Drama versus Amazement, Dave McKnight, Surf the Big Wave, Pay for WiFi?, Albert Einstein, A Tale of Two John’s, Rowdy Likes Jack

Aloha!

This is my last blog entry for 2007. I will endeavor to keep the verbosity to a minimum. I can elaborate on my minimally, verbose, blog entry if you bait me.

I am not sorry that my brain cancer has not been full of more drama than I have written about. I spoke to Dave McKnight yesterday from 6 Main South at Sacred Heart Medical Center yesterday. We were discussing politics, morality, and arguing respectfully with each other about if Dave or I were tougher. The argument ended in a draw and consensus. We are both very, very tough. It is uncanny how we agree on so many diverse subjects.

We were recalling our training, and in particular, “sweeping the objective” during a raid or ambush. You would be amazed at how two nice guys like Dave McKnight and Jack Burton can sweep an objective ruthlessly, without brutality, and without drama. I will not go into our combat training because I feel it is inappropriate for an inspirational blog entry. Let me just say, the American Fighting Man is smart, tough and should only be trifled with the most serious of intents. I may go into training on my other blog.

Amazement is my attitude towards combating brain cancer. I do not have the energy for drama, worry, regrets, or distraction. My mission, with the help of my friends, is to cure cancer. I plan on curing cancer with wonder, amazement, toughness, courage, fun, help, and love. There may not be any drama in curing my cancer, but I do not believe it will be boring. In fact, the supreme consciousness has seen fit to make Brain Cancer my big wave. I plan on surfing this wave to the beach of health, peace, and love.

Pay for WiFi? Jack does not pay for it. I am sitting outside one of my free WiFi hotspots. I no longer buy coffee or other merchandise from businesses that provide WiFi for a price.

Eugene, Oregon WiFi spots that Rock! Supreme Bean, Brewed Awakening, Allann Bros, 5th Street Market Cafe Level, and SeQuential Biofuel Station. Do not believe the boloney about biofuel raising the price of food. Do not bait me into the price of subsidizing farmers for not growing food, human quality food versus fuel quality energy, or renewable resources versus non-renewable resources. The problem is only as complex as you wish to make it.

My good friend Albert Einstein wrote, "Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. "

"Any fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction. "

"Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. "

"Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking."

"Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. "

"Everyone should be respected as an individual, but no one idolized. "

"Force always attracts men of low morality. "

"God may be subtle, but he isn't plain mean. "

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. "

"He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed. "
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/albert_einstein.html

Today another “John” almost took my labs for me. Darn it, another needle stick for Jack Burton. The other John was nice and he did receive a healing shake of the hand from yours truly. I am the cure for cancer!

Rowdy the part Dachshund, Chihuahua likes Jack Burton. He is a little jumpy but he has gotten used to my patient, feeding hand. Rowdy is a good boy.

Be well, Peace and Love, and Happy New Year to all!!!!!!!!!!!

Jack Burton
“It distracts me when you rub up against me like that.”

Zipper Head, Amazing Planet, Head Bone`

Aloha,

My younger brother Jeff took this photo of the right side of Jack’s zipper head two days after being released from the hospital. My color is better now and I have some hair on the right side of my head nearly covering my Omega shaped scar. The 32 staples have been removed. I still can barely open my mouth wide enough to get a finger in it so eating is difficult and somewhat painful. However, as my father will point out, I seem to have no difficulty in opening my mouth wide enough to talk incessantly.

I will post a recent photo of me in the next week or two. Yes, I am too cheap to buy another USB cable for my camera and my camera USB is up in McKenzie Bridge.

The picture was taken in Artemis’ living room. I am proud to say that I had a hand in the paint, tile, grout, baseboards, window trim, doorway trim, and crown molding. I helped and did not do all the work in any way. Artemis did have approval authority over everything so I give Artemis the Lion’s share of the goodness credit. Artemis is a great worker and magician with a chop saw as well. Mistakes, I made a few, but I have no regrets for anything I have done this human lifetime.

Jack Burton from “Big Trouble in Little China:
Everybody relax, I'm here
More Jack:
Now I'm not saying that I've been everywhere and I've done everything, but I do know it's a pretty amazing planet we live on, and a man would have to be some kind of FOOL to think we're alone in THIS universe.

I did some amazing yoga with Sam yesterday at the Tamarack Wellness Center. I honored my edge and especially honored my left knee. My knee is healing very well and my head bone is still attached to my neck bone. I feel great

Be well,
Jack Burton

Exercise, Curing Cancer, Radiation Oncologist, The Power of Help, I Feel the Love, Commonalities, Cooperation, Saccidananda, 5 Ws, Yoda

Happy, happy, happy, loving New Year to the Earth,

I have been exercising intensely on my road bicycle trainer and doing yoga everyday. I attribute whipping this cold that has annoyed me since Friday night to sweating and positive energy. It is important for me to be well, especially now, because my radiation treatment mask fits so tightly it is currently impossible for me to open my mouth to exchange any air to maintain life functions.

We are curing cancer. When I met with the Willamette Valley Cancer Center employees yesterday I was feeling especially good. I lost track of how many times I said something like, “Let’s cure some cancer today.” I am in that epic struggle between life and cancer and by golly, gee willakers, I am going to have fun curing cancer.

I met with my Radiation Oncologist, Dr. Light Giver Cardinal, and yesterday. Dr. Cardinal received his B.S. degree from my alma mater’s arch rival, Stanford. We joked about Cal and Stanford at our first meeting. I think Dr. Cardinal is a super man.

Yesterday Dr. Cardinal talked about my treatment plan and explained the big math in terms I trust and understand. Dr. Cardinal asked me how I was feeling and how I was managing the over hour long trip to daily radiation treatment from my home, on top of a mountain on the clean, beautiful, McKenzie River.

I informed Dr. Light Giver Cardinal that I asked for, accepted, and I am receiving help from members of my mountain bike group, The Disciples of Dirt. We talked about the power of accepting help and I shared that receiving help presents opportunities to help others. One of the most beautiful aspects of Receiving Help is the way the helped can make the help giver feel. The Power of Help is the good, loving feeling that is offered to the helper. The helper has an opportunity to tangibly help someone they love and the helper has a concrete manifestation of their assistance to another who is benefiting from love and help.

I sincerely informed Dr. Light Giver of the immense gratitude I have for the loving, caring, professional and skillful efforts of Willamette Valley Cancer Center. I felt Dr. Light Giver expand with even more love and he expressed his sincere gratitude for me verbalizing my appreciation for the Willamette Valley Cancer Center Efforts.

I feel the love from all the positive thoughts and prayers. This goodness is very helpful to me, thank you. I relish the time when I will be able to thank you personally and wrap you up in my loving arms. Getting back to work, rehabbing my left knee from surgery, this little waltz I am enjoying with brain cancer is taking up most of my day. I am looking forward to 2008 and enjoying freshly squeezed lemonade on my back porch. I have two humming bird feeders and I just love watching those beautiful, tough, little birds go about their daily lives.

I see more commonalities than differences in people. I am starting a new book that has traced the DNA of human kind to a common point of origin. I find this fascinating because I clearly see that individual humans have more common characteristics than differences. I will go into this idea more on my new blog as well as in the compatibility of Collaboration, Cooperation, Compassion and Competition.

I have given my new blog a name and a theme. The theme of this blog you are reading is love, gratitude, courage, and inspiration. My new blog will be all about love, courage, inspiration, and changing the world to a sustainable, courageous, loving paradigm. I have watched for too long self serving individuals and national, corporate, and world leaders make decisions that do not benefit the greater good of our Earth, our nation, or our communities. Now is the time for me to weigh in on the issues with my substantial power and influence. Every blog entry I make will be ethically, logically, morally, and legally defensible and supported by facts. My efforts will be peacefully resistant but make no mistake; my efforts will not be passive.

A list of topics I would like to cover by Valentine’s Day is:
“ ‘isms, ‘ans, ‘ats, ‘ions, ‘ists and It Aint Me “
Civil Liberties, Security, and Peaceful Resistance
Education and Our Children
Globalization and Security
The Environment and Sustainability
Energy and Power
Healthcare and Morality
Defense and Peace
Drugs and Poisons
Government and Reason

Ten topics may be a bit ambitious to cover by February 14, 2008 but the Earth is worth my effort. If I should not achieve my intended result of 10 topics covered I will still be successful because for me what I do is important, when I do things is important, where I do things is important, why I do what I do is important. My writing will always be supported by fact, not by spin or fear. Some of you will find my writings to be self evident truths. After all it was Pantajali as translated by Saccidananda that wrote, “There is only one truth but many paths to the truth.”

The most important of the “5 Ws” is not a W at all. How I do things is what defines me. My intent, timing, location, and my results are all very important. What defines me as a person is my love, courage, compassion, wisdom, restraint of power, selflessness, humor, and believe it or not, humility. The ends never justify the means.

Please take a gander at my new blog I should be starting by 2008. Please comment on any inconsistencies, errors, and agreement or disagreement. Your opinions are valued. I have found many times that true growth and wisdom comes from challenging my experiences and teachings. Yoda said to Luke Skywalker, “You must unlearn what you have learned.” I have unlearned so much dogma poopie in my life. I believe that some of Yoda’s dialogues are very true. I will cite more than one PHD recipient in my new blog as well as some of my old favorites, like Mark Twain, Albert Einstein, Benjamin Franklin, George Washington, Pelagius, Jesus, the Buddha, Gandhi, Howard Zhin, John Kennedy, Eleanor Roosevelt, to name just a few.

This blog is about feeling good. Not just feeling good but feeling love and giving love, appreciating miracles, and always, always, always, keeping hope alive.

Be well,
Jack Burton
“What! What will not come out again?”

Did you feel the light?, White Christmas, Exercise

Aloha,


If you felt a pink and green light filling your being with goodness and love yesterday, December 25, 2007, around 2 PM PST, I was channelling Earth and Heaven energy to the whole Earth. I was sending unconditional love to all regardless of whether the individual uses their power wisely, patiently, with compassion, or with the universal good as an intention.


The color associated with the heart or fourth chakra is green. When giving or receiving unconditional love the color associated with the heart chakra is pink. I felt very strongly that a gorgeous pink life force energy was channeling out to the Earth but there was much green energy being channeled out to the Earth as well. I attribute the green energy from the Old Growth Douglass firs and other vegetation, the mountain lions, black bears, owls and other birds, fish, bob cats, people, and other creatures of my home here in McKenzie Bridge. Did you feel the light, yesterday?

Dad and I put siding on my woodshed Christmas Day. We worked well together. A little after 1 PM it started snowing and sticking. We enjoyed a White Christmas in McKenzie Bridge.

Mom did a great job organizing my garage. She was able to identify many items that the goodwill will enjoy.

I have been breaking a sweat cycling on my trainer. I credit the sweating for breaking the cold that was creeping up on my sinuses. Other exercises I have been doing regularly are yoga and martial arts. In a few weeks my left knee should be strong enough for me to start jump roping to include criss crosses, double jumps and triple jumps.

Be well,
Jack Burton

Merry Christmas, Christmas Firsts, Strong with the Force Am I, Miracles happen, Sandbagger

Merry Christmas Everyone!

The image to the right is an image of Christmas Past.

This Christmas Day marks a season of Christmas Firsts for yours truly. Firstly and most significantly for me is this is the first year in five years that I am physically spending Christmas without my old family, Artemis, Taylor, and Jordan. I am with them in spirit sending them all the love, peace, and joy in the universe. I know the girls will feel my efforts because these girls are goodness magnets. Artemis did call me this morning. I was able to have nice talks with all three girls, and we did wish each other much goodness.

The second significant first for yours truly is this is the first Winter Solstice Season with me being diagnosed with brain cancer. People have said wonderful things to me such as, "Jack, you have many powerful spirit guides around you.", "God is strong within you.", "You are physically very healthy in your eating, drinking, and exercise habits.", "Jack, you do not sweat the small stuff and all stuff is small stuff to you." Jack is a trained U.S. Army Special Forces Medical Sergeant, a Martial Arts Black Belt, an advanced yoga practitioner, a level 2 Reiki Healing practitioner. A highly skilled Mountain Biker. A Pacific Crest Trail Association Steward, and some other stuff. Why did Jack contract brain cancer?

I suppose another way to ask the same question is, "Why Not Me?". Strong with the Force Am I, but not so strong as I was able to side step Brain Cancer's probing first blow. Perhaps a Jedi Knight (me) is exactly what "The Force" intended in choosing a human to contract the deadliest manifestation of brain cancer, gioblastoma multiforme? I am meeting this challenge with courage, love, wisdom, patience, restraint, compassion, understanding, skill, and the most powerful of allies, The Force.

The Force to me is life force energy or the divine light that is within all of us, and all around us in everything. The life force energy is in our air, water, rocks, trees, animals, people, ideas, and in the heavens. As you can see, a very powerful ally I have indeed. George Lucas may wish to copyright these concepts but the concept of "The Force" has been around forever, in many traditions, and well before somebody ran down to the U.S. patent office with their wallet on fire and greased the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) for exclusivity.

Miracles happen and I have witnessed one "According to Hoyle, Miracle." Artemis and I witnessed a miracle and created a miracle together in June, 2006. We were walking our female, Great Dane, Jolly, and our male, German Shepherd Dog, Mojo, on the King Castle hike. I had let the dogs off leash and they were exploring King Castle. Artemis had a premonition of things to come so I immediately called Jolly to "Come". I was more concerned with Jolly because she is not as strong or coordinated as Mojo. We safely got Jolly to the top of Castle Rock after an anxious moment of encouraging Jolly up the steep, shale covered, mountain side.

Artemis, Jolly, and I then heard Mojo whine and his paws scrape deeply on the loose shale rock below the peak. Artemis and I heard the sound of Mojo panicky, cry for help, the wrenching, whimpering yelp of pain as he hit a rock falling off the cliff, and then the eary, heart breaking silence.

Artemis and I looked at each other knowingly that Mojo was gone. We verbalized to each other that we would not make a bad situation worse by getting ourselves in a jam or by injuring another of our party. Artemis and I made the nearly half hour hike around the mountain to the bottom of the cliff. Looking up at Castle Rock from the bottom drove home that Mojo was probably gone. We called for Mojo and I commanded Mojo to "Speak". There was no sign or sound of Mojo and nothing but the chilling sound of our own voices, foot falls, and the beautiful quietness of the Willamette National Forest.

After about an hour of fruitless searching, Artemis and I hiked back to the top of King Castle and reoriented ourselves to where we last remembered hearing Mojo. Artemis remained at the top of King Castle to direct my efforts at the bottom of the cliff. I remembered Artemis once saying, "I am going to throw a rock where I think Mojo may have fallen." I responded with, "Please, throw a very light stick." Artemis said, "I think I see Mojo." I investigated and what Artemis saw was rotting dead fall from an ice or wind storm.

I did check out the level Artemis had seen the dead fall which was about 15 yards from the base of the cliff. I did the math and physics. If I was a 93 pound, 8 year old, un-neutered, male, German Shepherd Dog and fell about 100 feet off a cliff, where would my energy have taken me? I investigated the altitude that Artemis had seen the dead fall and I saw some fur. I then saw that the fur had a pink tongue, and was sitting.

I cautiously approached my 93 pound, muscled, injured, big toothed, powerful jawed, beloved pet. I know an injured dog can exhibit unpredictable and even dangerous behavior. I just knew Mojo had a broken back or a limb sticking out of an ear or some other hideous, ghastly injury. Mojo looked intact with no deformities other than he was sitting with his back and tail bone a little curled under as if he was being submissive. I petted Mojo and palpated his spine and limbs and I did not palpate any deformities. I then helped Mojo to a standing position and we started walking out.

I was overwhelmed with love and joy and burst out, "Artemis! We have found Mojo! Mojo is OK and we are walking out together." Artemis and I were just balling and overwhelmed with the miracle we had witnessed.

Later that year I bought a Suunto altimeter, barometer, thermometer, compass watch to guesstimate how far Mojo's fall from grace had been. Mojo fell at least 80 feet and up to 120 feet off of King Castle. My best estimate is Mojo fell 100 to 110 feet. He suffered about 5 broken ribs and a hemothorax but he does not limp to this day.

Artemis took care of my beloved, miracle, amazing flying dog, "Mojo" while I played in a Member Guest Golf Tournament with my father in June 2006. Dad and I won our flight and many Lake Wildwood members still sing my praise with the endearing term, "Sandbagger".

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Wonderful Winter Solstice, and the best wishes to you for your personal, winter time celebration.

Peace and Love,

Jack Burton

"You were not put on this Earth, to 'get it' Mr. Burton."

4 Days Off, It is Not About Jack It Is About Love, Dinner with Akasha, I feel Good

Happy Xmas Eve,
The Willamette Valley Cancer Center and I are taking four days off of radiation treatments. I will be spending some time at my home in the mountains. It feels good to be back up in the mountains and with my dogs Mojo and Salena.

The blog is not about Jack but about the Love that is going to help us through the radiation therapy, chemotherapy, and brain cancer and enjoy a curative result.

I had Dinner with Akasha at the Oregon Electric Station Friday Night. We had a great meal and a lot of laughs. I derived the name Akasha from one of Anne Rice's books, "Queen of the Damned". By my definition, Akasha was the most beautiful and powerful being on Earth.

I feel good and I think I have this little cold whipped. Another hour and a half on my bicycle trainer today and tomorrow and I think this cold will be forgotten.

I am going to take Christmas Day off of blogging to order some web creation software and to create my next blog entry which will be something like, "I have been training my whole life for a challenge like this."

Be well,
Jack

My Email, Internet Dating, Cancer is Only in My Head, Jack Knows Jack, Where is the Love?, Back to Work

Aloha Friends!

It has come to my attention that not all of you have my email. My Email is threesisview@msn.com . I actually use this email as a screening email so advertisers and other annoyances do not clutter up my personal email. The name "threesisview" is a play on where I live. I am a short bike ride from the Three Sisters Wilderness Area and I can see the Three Sisters from Tokatee Golf Course and many other gorgeous vantage points where I live.

I originally set up this email when I was Internet Dating but around July or August I had the epiphany that I would rather nurture more tactile, sensual relationships than virtual relationships. Fortunately I met a fantastic friend before deciding that Internet dating is not for me. Internet dating is a cool thing especially when the nearest lighted, traffic signal is 44 miles away from your garage perched on top of a mountain top near the beautiful, wonderful, McKenzie River.

Our fears are only in our heads. I have no fears so I can only imagine and try to remember what fear is like. Cancer is Only in My Head in my case. I have a physical manifestation of cancer literally in my head. Lucky me, the cancer is non metastatic or in human terms, does not spread to other body parts like the lymph, spine, bone marrow, liver, lungs or any other place. Consistent with the way I drive, my cancer grows at triple digit speeds or is a type four malignancy. Type four malignancy means faster growing. Relax, we have applied the four wheel, vented, over sized, anti-lock disc brakes (ABS) on the growth rate of the tumor. The combination of Radiation Therapy, Chemotherapy, Reiki Healing, Good Food, Exercise, Meditation, and Love has slowed the growth rate down already.

It is true, I am not an oncologist or neurologist. Nor will I be a credentialed physician on this specific human journey but Jack Knows Jack.

"Where is the Love?", the seeker asks. The love is within us and all around us. I feel it and I am experiencing it now with the wonderful people that have offered me guest quarters in their homes while I am in radiation therapy for the next 30 working days in Eugene, Oregon.

Asking for help and accepting help is not weakness but is very, very powerful. Allowing and accepting help from my friends, family, and caregivers has given me an opportunity to help them as well. For example, I will be house sitting and dog sitting for a couple of my benefactors while they are vacationing. I can use help with quarters until February 5, 2008. If you could use a clean, respectful, safe, thoughtful, loving, martial artist to lay his bones down in your abode while I am doing radiation therapy, I am your person. I cannot do cats though. Toxoplasmosa is supposed to be bad for me while I am doing chemotherapy. I am good with dogs and my dog Mojo as earned his Companion Dog Certificate from the AKC.

I am Back to Work! I am stoked. I get to work with my powerful and skillful coworker, Aurthur DeVinci today. He has lined me up some very cool work.

Be well and seasons greetings.
Jack Burton

Presents, Radiation, Reiki, U2, Disciples of Dirt, What You Love Is Your Own Power

Aloha,

Yesterday was a great day. With the help of my mom, my presents were wrapped for my girls, Saint Artemis Azure Roculus, and for the Disciples of Dirt (DOD) holiday party gift exchange. I was busy all day and made my follow up appointments at University of California, San Francisco for early February.

My radiation treatment went great today. I listened to Primus during the healing session and concentrated on breathing exercises (Pranyama) and meditation (Dharana). Concentrating on breathing makes me forget about how uncomfortable my tight fitting, magnificently handsome, lovely mask is. Self love is a good thing and the extremely form fitting mask ensures the healing rays of energy go exactly where the healing is needed. I feel good.

I was blessed to be able to make my Reiki healing group for the first time since early November. It was my honor to have several beautiful spirits working on me at once. I feel very strong and powerful after the loving efforts that this group bestowed upon me. I dig hanging out with these wonderful, enjoyable, kind, people. I have not figured out the math yet, but I know what we do is real, it works, and it helps people on all levels.

Here is a very quick definition of Reiki and all of you know I have a gift for verbosity. Would you like me to elaborate on my verbosity. I can and usually tell you what I am about to tell you, actually tell you what I want to tell you, and then I will tell you what I told you. I suppose that is part of my Army training and my good friend from the Army, Dave McKnight, received and exhibits the same habits. Except with each other. We see eye to eye in that whole manner that Dave is a little better than half a foot taller than me.

The word Reiki is made of two Japanese words - Rei which means "God's Wisdom or the Higher Power" and Ki which is "life force energy". So Reiki is actually "spiritually guided life force energy."

The following is an excerpt from the U2 album The Joshua Tree (1987) and the song "Exit".

His head it felt heavy
As he cut across the land
He went deeper into black
Deeper into white...he could see
The stars shine
Like nails in the night
He felt the healing
Healing, healing, healing
Hands of love
Like the stars shiny, shiny...
]From above.

I left the Reiki gathering a little early to attend the Disciples of Dirt (DOD) holiday party. I had a great time and got to tell a story of Love. I feel very lucky. The DOD has been in existence for 20 years now and there were four original members of the DOD in attendance at the party. It was way cool to hang with these wonderful people again. The love the DOD has for our forest trails and each other is palpable. I put myself out there and asked the DOD for some help. The DOD came through and has saved my life a second time. I will elaborate on the life savings in a future post.

I love the lyrics from the last track of Rush's album "2112" so very much I feel an irresistible urge to share the gorgeous lyrics with you. I think I'll listen to this song in tomorrow's radiation treatment.

"Something for Nothing". Words by Neil Peart, music by Geddy Lee

Waiting for the winds of change
To sweep the clouds away
Waiting for the rainbow's end
To cast it's gold your way
Countless ways
You pass the days

Waiting for someone to call
And turn your world around
Looking for an answer to
The question you have found
Looking for
An open door

You don't get something for nothing
You don't get freedom for free
You won't get wise
With the sleep still in your eyes
No matter what your dreams might be

What you own is your own kingdom
What you do is your own glory
What you love is your own power
What you live is your own story

In your head is the answer
Let it guide you along
Let your heart be the anchor
And the beat of your own song

Be well and happy winter solstice.

Jack Burton
"I only drive as fast as I can see and it is all in the reflexes"

Waffle Face, Hellraiser, Seas of Cheese, Long Odds High Stakes and the Ultimate Reward, Could Not Get Loose, Dr. Frankinshtone

Aloha,

Waffle Face

I may bring my digital camera into radiation treatments today and ask Wade, Shane, Loren, or Nikki to take my photo whilst and after I am in this lovely contraption that keeps my head immobile. This "mask" is so tight that I can barely open my eyes, I cannot talk, and swallowing is an effort. This is way cool because my Radiation Oncologist, Radiation Physicist, and highly skilled Radiation Oncology Technicians are doing a very precise dance near some tissues that are near and dear to me. I have a fondness for my right optic nerve and I have a special affinity for my brain.

Why do I think my mask is a "lovely contraption"? Well it is a perfect representation of my humble face. After 15 or so minutes of being in my lovely mask, I have this way cool waffle face and look a bit like Pinhead from Clive Barker's "Hellraiser" movies.

Yesterday I did over an hour on my bicycle trainer followed by a half hour of yoga. I listened to Primus' excellent album "Sailing the Seas of Cheese for part of my ride looking out my windows at the gorgeous forest.

Sailing the Seas of Cheese by Primus

When the going gets tough
And the stomach acids flow
The cold wind of conformity
Is nipping at your nose
When some trendy new atrocity
Has brought you to your knees
Come with us we'll sail the
Seas of Cheese

Long Odds

Unfortunately, for the worst types of brain tumors, the current standard treatments are not
curative (high stakes) for the majority of patients. Unlike most other medical conditions, you will have a lot of important decisions to make. When we win we are going to realize the ultimate reward of life and love. I have been training my whole life for such an opportunity of ultra high risk, ultra high reward. I am going for it and I am honored to have your help.

We Disciples of Dirt enjoy mountain bike riding fast and smooth. A few of the Disciples and I were guiding a very cool ride on the Alpine, Tire Mountain, and Cloverpatch trails this last August 2007. A Disciple friend of mine nicknamed me "Skiddy MacSkidder" because of an unusual amount of rear wheel skidding I was doing on the Tire Mountain Trail at Mountain Bike Oregon in August 2007, http://www.mtbikeoregon.com/. I will have to play the Brain Cancer Card and say that the brain tumor was adversely effecting my fine neuromuscular coordination of my right hand. This makes sense to me because in bike riding Right hand controls are associated with the right derailleur and right brake. Like the Doo Dah man said, "Sometimes your cards ain't worth a dime, if you don't lay'em down."

I observed my friend's technique, told him skidding is not crashing, and nicknamed this magnificent, Grizzly Bear of a man, Faller McCrash. Something else you need to know about Mr. McCrash. He is a very good dude, wears pink bunny suits in public, and has been seen drinking good Oregon beer on occasion, and has a wonderful better half.


I could not get loose on a mountain bike ride in October. I do not know why because I did not have a crash that day. I brushed it off as nothing and rode the rest of the way home carefully and rather slow. I think the tumor was rearing its head at least as early as October but my symptoms were consistent with stress and the brain injury I sustained in June.

When my most excellent neurologist, Dr. Froedrick Von Frankinshtone, removed a big chunk of my tumor on October 21, 2007 from my brain he built a wonderful horseshoe shaped scar on the right side of my skull above my right ear. Way cool looking scar but alas, the 32, bitchin', steel staples have been removed in a fun follow up visit with Froedrick. Dr. Franenshteen's deft handiwork cut some peripheral nerves that has left me unable to lift my right eyebrow and squinch the right side of my right forehead. This is customary and normal for this type of operation and no less than 3 other highly skilled physicians with a ton of letter before and after the names have raved about Dr. Frankenstein's handiwork. Thank you Dr. Frederick and thank you Gene Wilder for that wonderful movie, "Young Frankenstein".

Be well,

Jack

Aloha, Day Zero, Excercise Plan, Dr. ES Rotella, Muhammad Ali, Big Trouble in Little China, Dog Door, Holiday Decorating, Inclusiveness

Aloha good people!

I experienced Day Zero of radiation treatments yesterday with the highly skilled radiation technologists of the Willamette Valley Cancer Center (WVCC). I was fitted with the mask that leaves my entire face with a very fine, waffle pattern after 15 minutes of being clamped into the mask. This mask is so very, very tight that swallowing is an effort and I cannot open my mouth to speak. I can utter my customary grunts and acknowledgments.

I trust my caregivers. My attitude is that I am WVCC's astronaut and my WVCC caregivers are "Mission Control". The mask needs to fit very tight and not allow my head to move a millimeter because we are doing a precise dance with very powerful mojo near precious tissues inside my skull including my brain. How cool and powerful is that! I did not receive any radiant beams of heavenly grace yesterday but WVCC took some pictures and X-rays and made some topographical marks on my mask. Today, Tuesday, December 18, 2007 will be Day 1 of radiation therapy. I am stoked!

Yesterday was day 1 of chemotherapy. I took my two pills of Enzastaurin as directed with my anti emetic perfectly as directed immediately after dinner. Exactly an hour later I took my four pills of Temozolomide as directed. I am drinking lots of water. I feel good with no ill effects. I swear, I do seem to feel something inside my head and it is not thought, it is not pain, it is not worrisome. I think the love and drugs are chasing the rebel, glial cells away. Thank you good people and the universe for the love.

I met with my most excellent nutritionist and WVCC social worker yesterday. My nutrition plan is going to be very simple. A well balanced diet with an emphasis on raw, natural fruits and vegetables. I know, you are all concerned that Jack may not be getting enough artificial flavors and artificial coloring in his diet. Get over it. I will be getting plenty of protein in my diet and some fat as well. I like food and I should be putting on some muscle now that I am exercising again. My exercise plan is stationary bike riding, yoga, and martial arts. I would like to exercise between 10 and 20 hours per 7 day week. Rest is also important and I am going to rest and exercise very instinctually.

I met with my most excellent Rehabilitation Medicine Physician, Dr. ES Rotella. Dr. Rotella has been treating me since my bicycle crash in June that left me living with the good people of St. Charles Medical Center in Bend, Oregon for 4 days and 3 nights. Dr. Rotella is releasing me back to work this Thursday on a reduced schedule. Dr. Rotella's schedule ever so slightly less aggressive than the schedule I had outlined. However, I trust Dr. Rotella and I believe with everything that I am that there is wisdom in Dr. Rotella's plan. I may make slightly less coin while I get back up to working speed but my priority is healing. When it comes to work my priorities in the following order are safety, fun, and then getting work done. I will elaborate on safety, fun, and getting stuff done in a future post and in the suitable for publishing or movie making story, "The Awakening 2007". I think Clint Eastwood and Robert Redford make good movies. I think I will give them a shot at making a way cool film. Perhaps Tom Cruise will play me in the lead role and this most excellent actor will finally get his Academy Award Winning Role.

I spoke with a good friend of mine from my early days in Oregon when I used to work for Peace Health in Eugene, Oregon. Akasha Fjord always could find Jack's "happy button". She would often skillfully push Jack's happy button like Muhammad Ali would flick out jabs and right hands faster than Jack can blink.

I spoke with Akasha the other day and had some good laughs. Akasha did a Flamenco Dance all over Jack's happy button in Akasha's ensuing, follow up email. Akasha instigated Jack to quote one of the best movies of all time, John Carpenter's "Big Trouble in Little China". This excellent movie stars Kurt Russell and is filled with snappy dialog and funny scenes. I highly recommend this movie to everyone over the age of 13 and Akasha has abetted me into sharing just a few of the memorable quotes.

Jack Burton: Now I'm not saying that I've been everywhere and I've done everything, but I do know it's a pretty amazing planet we live on, and a man would have to be some kind of FOOL to think we're alone in THIS universe.

Jack Burton: What does that mean? Huh? "China is here." I don't even know what the hell that means.

Jack Burton: I feel pretty good. I'm not... I'm not scared at all. I feel kind of... feel kind of invincible.
Wang Chi: Me, too. I've got a very positive attitude about this.
Jack Burton: Good, me too.

Jack Burton: Like I told my last wife, I said, "Honey, I never drive faster than I can see, and besides... it's all in the reflexes."

Egg Shen: It will come out no more!
Jack Burton: What? HUH? What will come out no more?

Dad and I built a dog door on Sunday afternoon. Dad did a great job designing the door way, following directions, cutting the custom pieces of lumbar, and assisting me as I jig sawed, Sawsalled, and Makita, 19.2 volt, chordless screwed my way to dog door heaven. Mojo and Salena love their new dog door and will be happier and warmer in their dens this winter now that there is a proper dog door with a flap instead of a wide open she door letting cold and dampness into their dog room.

Mom and I hung lights on the tree and decorated it on Sunday. It turned out very cute. We also refilled my 7 candle, candle holder, http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_did_the_number_7_become_the_most_popular_lucky_number.
My holiday theme is very festive and pioneer rugged. I think my red, shotgun shell garland and Rainbow Trout string of lights are good examples of my theme. My decorated tree and 9 candle, brass, candle holder are examples of the inclusiveness I am embracing through the holiday season and all year round. This link has a nice comparison of various religious and spiritual faiths that celebrate around the time of the winter solstice, http://www.religioustolerance.org/winter_solstice.htm.

Peace and Love Good Will Towards All,

Jack Burton

Mojo, Happy Birthday, Holiday Market, Gandhi, Dave McKnight, Mandy Pandy, Silent Night,Back Home

Saturday was a great day for me. I woke up at about 4 AM and readied myself for yoga, knocked out a couple of emails, and came up with a few titles for blog entries.


I took Tom Clark's Anusara Inspired Yoga class Saturday morning at 8 AM. It was wonderful being in class again. My quads, hamstrings, shoulders, and glutemus are very sore this morning. It was a great class and I believe a good time was enjoyed by all. My Saturday morning yoga class Rocks! Tom has a great ability to descriptively instruct students into postures in a fun, powerful way. I was stoked when Tom had us do a Hunumanasana, the splits, in a standing position. I was honoring my edge and Hanumanasana on the ground would have been way to much for me to do as I just had some fancy, knee surgery done on November 1, 2007.

Tom is my inspiration for practicing yoga. I started practicing yoga in 2002 after my ex-wife and I decided to part ways. I was doing a gentle yoga through my work at lunch time. I was training my awesome, German Shepherd Dog "Mojo" in dog obedience and a friend of mine in the class invited me to check out Tom's Ashtanga Yoga class at Four Winds Yoga.

The Ashtanga Asana (physical excercise) practice is very athletic. This appealed to me as I was doing some weight training, martial arts, running, and had started mountain biking again. I like to sweat. One day I did Tom's class after a 33 mile, 6,000 foot elevation gain, loop on the Alpine Trail in Oakridge, Oregon. This ride was with the "Paul's Group" and other hammers. I felt good after the ride. I had to dig deep to complete Tom's Ashtanga Yoga class that evening. That was the last time I did a vigorous mountain bike ride followed by Ashtanga.

I will write more about yoga, Tom, and my yogic path in a future blog entry.

Today is a cosmic milestone birthday for Tom. Happy Birthday Tom. The Beatles have a rockin' good Birthday song and here are some excerpts from the Beatles, "Birthday".

I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you.
I would like you to dance--Birthday
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance-Birthday
I would like you to dance--Birthday
Dance
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you.

It feels good to be back on the mend physically. I set up my road bike on a trainer this Sunday and I broke a good sweat on a quick, little, yet intense 30 minute ride.

Saturday I also went to the Eugene Holiday Market at the Eugene Fairgrounds, http://www.holidaymarket.org/. There is so much cool stuff, entertainment, food, and nice people at the Holiday Market. I am going back next Saturday after yoga and buying a wicked, cool broom and a bellows for my wood stove. I may pick out a way cool gift or even several next Saturday.

Last Saturday I bought Frog's new joke book, and a beautiful pair of turquoise earrings for my mom. I also bought a night light crafted out of a tuna can. The can has been shaped into the form of a sea turtle and is painted beautifully in the cool color spectrum. The sea turtle means longevity to me and the cool color spectrum is good for my healthy tissue and does not excite my brain tumor.

A couple of months or so before being diagnosed with a brain tumor I had Netflix mail me the movie Gandhi with Ben Kingsley in the lead role of Mahatma Gandhi. Wow! That Ben Kingsley can act. I finally understand Gandhi's courage. Gandhi's courageous practice of peaceful resistance was brilliant. Gandhi often called his tactic "non-violent disobedience" but I believe there is more power in positive wording. We could fill a good chunk of hard drive with Gandhi wisdom, but I want to share just two Gandhi quotes with you today.

"All my actions have their rise in my inalienable love of mankind."

"It is the law of love that rules mankind. Had violence, i.e. hate, ruled us we should have become extinct long ago. And yet, the tragedy of it is that the so-called civilized men and nations conduct themselves as if the basis of society was violence. "

Perhaps all my talk of Peace and Love concerns people that I may no longer have the strength and courage to fight. Please, let me put any doubt or fear you may have to rest. I fight best when I am relaxed and love is in my heart. Thank you Master Redwood Forest.

Saturday, for the first time in a long time, I listened to allot of my old Rock and Roll in my most excellent black, Jetta, GLX. I listened to Led Zeppelin Runes, Rush 2112, Warren Zevon, Stone Temple Pilots, The Sex Pistols, and Pink Floyd. I flashed back to my days with Dave McKnight.

Dave is a man after my own heart and I love you brother. Dave and I have been friends since 1983 when we met in the steamy, tarantula and bushmaster infested, black palm and ant tree ridden, killer bee haven, jungles of Panama. We have always felt a calling to protect those that cannot protect themselves. Dave, a physically impressive man, has a great heart and mind and does not use his martial abilities unless there is no other option. Dave peacefully pulled my tail out of more than one fire in my younger days at the "Howard Air Force Base Officer's Club" and in "Dodge City" (Downtown Panama City).

Dave and I were in the only United States Army Airborne Infantry Company in Panama together. We parachuted into Honduras on some classified mission to chase away some force of fighters that were feeling their oats. Something about a company of bad ass paratroopers falling out of the sky can have a calming effect on reasonable people. We did lots and lots together but I'll elaborate more in another post as I clearly see this post is getting as long as the two times Dave, I, and the rest of "Lost Ranger Company" humped from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacific Ocean across the Isthmus of Panama.

I am not a "Mandy Pandy". My point of the Panama flashback is that I am back in that relaxed, ready to fight place I was in when I was in the Army and training for my black belt with Master Redwood Forest. I am actually in a better place with the peace that yoga has given me and the love that I feel from my friends, family, and community. Today I start chemo therapy and do Day Zero of radiation therapy.

Day Zero is a kind of mock up of the radiation treatments I will be blessed to receive over the next 33 days. We sang Silent Night the other day at my community church and this line hit me pure like a side kick from Master Be.

Silent night, Holy night
Son of God, love’s pure light
Radiant beams from thy Holy face
With the dawn of redeeming grace

My intention of radiation therapy will be simple and just two thoughts, "Radiant beams of love's pure light with the dawn of redeeming grace." and "At last the sun is shining, The clouds of blue roll by, With flames from the dragon of darkness, the sunlight blinds his eyes.", Led Zeppelin and J.R.R Tolkien.

When I arrived back home about 7 PM my parents had decorated the outside of my home, organized my office, and had a magnificent meal of lamb hot and ready for me. I am very grateful for their kindness. I am receiving wonderful care here at home. I will tell you, it is pretty sweet being that 45 year old man who still lives with his parents.

'Tis the season of Peace and Love.
Be well,

Jack

James Brown, The Battle of Evermore, Jackie Chan, Blog Break, Medical Marijuana, Let the Treatments Begin!

James Brown sang and I feel,
"Whoa! I feel good, I knew that I would, now
I feel good, I knew that I would
So good, so good, I got you
So good, so good, I got you
So good, so good, I got you
HEY!!"

I may take the weekend off for a Blog Break. I think I'll use some of my weekend time to do yoga Saturday morning, do some holiday shopping http://eugenesaturdaymarket.org/, holiday decorate, and build two gates for my dog run area. I also want to compile my first draft of the story and create a blog entry entitled, "I have been training my entire life for a challenge like this. I am mentally, physically, and spiritually ready." Y'all, my allies, are strong with the force. We are ready. Let us Go For It!

Led Zeppelin wrote a gorgeous song, "The Battle of Evermore", http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/ledzeppelin/thebattleofevermore.html , http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Battle_of_Evermore . Many people, including yours truly, believe this 1971 song was inspired by J.R.R. Tolkien's masterpiece, "The Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers". The song is about the battle between King Theodin's human forces of Rohan with a contingent of elven soldiers, and the ex White Wizard Saruman's legions of Uruk-hai (Orcs on steroids). The battle took place on Pelinor Fields, in The Battle of Helm's Deep.

I also believe the song may be a prophetic reference of our fight with gioblastoma multiforme, a highly malignant but non metastatic brain cancer. Below are excerpts from the song but I encourage you to follow the links above to the entire work of art Robert Plant, Jimmy Page, John Paul Jones, and John Bonham chose to share with us in one of the best albums of all time, the fourth album released by Led Zeppelin. This album has been referred to as, "ZOSO", "Led Zeppelin IV", or "A bunch of symbols and no one knows what the name of the album is".

"The Queen of Light took her bow, And then she turned to go,
The Prince of Peace embraced the gloom, And walked the night alone.

Oh, dance in the dark of night, Sing to the morning light.
The dark Lord rides in force tonight, And time will tell us all.

Side by side we wait the might of the darkest of them all.

I'm waiting for the angels of Avalon, waiting for the eastern glow.

Oh dance in the dark of night, Sing to the morning light.
The magic runes are writ in gold to bring the balance back. Bring it back.

At last the sun is shining, The clouds of blue roll by, With flames from the dragon of darkness, the sunlight blinds his eyes"

Let the Treatments Begin! Sunday Night I start my chemotherapy of Enzastaurin and Temozolomide (magic runes). Monday afternoon I meet with my nutritionist and take my first 15 minute treatment of radiation or as I like to refer to radiation as "The sunlight blinds the Lord of Darkness' (Brain Cancer) eyes.

Later on in the afternoon I meet with my most excellent Rehabilitation Medicine Physician, Dr. Scared to Loose Money to Jack on the Golf Course (Dr. SLM*). Medical Marijuana, http://www.oregon.gov/DHS/ph/ommp/docs/mmact475.pdf, was also prescribed for nausea, pain, and to make music sound even better. Just kidding about the Medical Marijuana, http://www.oregon.gov/DHS/ph/ommp/475a.shtml and my golfing reference to Dr. SLM*. Dr. SLM* may just be able to school me (Prince of Peace) in the mysterious ways of that seductive mistress we afflicted, fortunate ones refer to as "golf". Zofran has been prescribed for nausea.

I am getting a trainer for my excellent, newly rebuilt road bike to pump up my cardiovascular fitness for this battle with the dark lord gioblastoma multiforme. Medical Marijuana is legally indicated in my medical situation but I believe irritating my lungs with smoke will hinder my ability to breathe and assimilate prana (life force energy). I also do not want to throw in any new variables into the clinical studies I am honored to help the University of California, San Francisco Oncology (UCSF) with. I think if UCSF wants me to smoke dope as part of a clinical trial I would have to opt out because in my case, I will do better on my bicycle trainer than to pound my lungs with irritants.

Please, keep the prayers and positive thoughts and feelings coming you Angels of Avalon. Side by side we wait the might of the darkest of them all. Your blessings are palpable to me and I will use them like Jackie Chan uses common, house hold objects to defend himself in his enjoyable movies. I want positive thoughts, feelings, and prayers to be all our habits and manners of being (Jack's loose definition of Modus operandi) and thus common, consistent, beautiful and precious.

Oh dance in the dark of night, Sing to the morning light.
The magic runes are writ in gold to bring the balance back. Bring it back

Peace and Love,
Jack

Peace and Love, Finish What You Started, Stuff Happens, Magic Beans, MMPI, University of San Francisco Oncology

Seasons Greetings!

I have been signing off many of my emails and posts with "Peace and Love". What does peace and love mean to me you may be asking yourself? We would greet each other in Tae Kwon Do with a very respectful greeting. The junior martial artist would bow and say "Yong Do" or "Peace and Love" to the senior martial artist. The senior would then return the respectful greeting. "Yong Do" means "The way of the dragon and peace and love" to those of us blessed to be taught this greeting.

I spoke with my Master Instructor, Master Beautiful Ancient Redwood Forest, shortly after knee surgery on November 1, 2007 and prior to my epidural blood patch to correct my intense headaches on November 16, 2007. I enjoyed our conversation and I shared with Master Redwood Forest that I finally got what "Peace and Love" meant.

I spoke with Master Redwood Forest yesterday and informed him of the challenge karma has chosen for me this human lifetime. How magnificent it was to speak with my Master Teacher again and find new depths to the meaning of "Peace and Love". Master Redwood Forest has had a profound influence on my life. I use his teachings continuously. His teachings, including the teachings of the lesson "finish what you started" are a part of who I am. I have applied my master's teachings in college, the Special Forces Selection and Medical Sergeant's course, jobs, solo wilderness backpacking, and even very, very, long and steep hill climbs mountain biking as well as many other activities and situations.

I have started treatment for cancer and I am going to finish treatment. I am going to enjoy life everyday forever. Since Saturday, November 27, 2007, I have enjoyed every single day with a renewed zest for life and apreciation for love. This strikes me a little odd because I have not fly fished once, mountain biked, taken a ride on my road bike, worked, did an intense yoga practice or many of the things that I do for fun since my brain surgery. I have tapped into the goodness that is available to every one of us, all the time, in the most simple ordinary things, people, and situations. Stuff happens. How we choose to perceive, react, think and feel about stuff is our choice. This is true for me. My hope is that this will be true for all of you and you choose to handle stuff with love and humor.

My folks, a family friend, and I arrived an hour and a half early for my 3 PM appointment yesterday at the University of San Francisco Oncology (UCSF) . The good people at UCSF immediately started processing me and gave me a few forms to fill out. They made and gave me copies of my hand carried medical records, and accepted my hand carried imaging studies. UCSF Rocks!

It was not long before Dr. Liu (my oncology resident) was introducing us to the program and expertly explaining what we could expect from treatment and UCSF. I have much confidence in Dr. Liu and his abilities are going to be instrumental in researching gioblastoma multiforme (GBM). I have comfort knowing that Dr. Liu is curious, methodical, diligent, hard working, caring, loving, honest, and a fine physician.

We then met with my UCSF oncologist, Dr. Super Star (DSS). You can tell by the nickname I have given my clinical trial, supervising, oncologist what my personal feelings are of DSS's abilities. I have not received personal permission from DSS to use this physician's name and I will respect privacy until I get verbal permission even though many of my Drs.'s names are in the public domain. I have confidence in DSS, the entire staff at UCSF and the clinical trial sponsored by Ely Lilly and Company.

Joan my clinical trial registered nurse was awesome and expertly help me process the paperwork. She was very efficient and fun. Because of the expert staff at UCSF we were able to get my blood work and electrocardiogram (EKG) before UCSF closed for the evening. I am not officially in the clinical trial yet. UCSF needs to perform tests on me to see if I qualify. I am highly confident that I will be admitted into the program. I do have to hang out here in the bay area at least one more day than I have planned because UCSF will have to do additional blood work and an MRI before sending me home with a satchel of high performance, fuel injected, turbo charged, nitrous injected magic beans. You may refer to Jack's Magic Beans as chemotherapy drugs.

Some of the questions reminded me of the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI) test I took during some classified U.S. Army Training after we were all experiencing intense sleep deprivation and physical fatigue. Flashbacks of questions like, "Are your stools black and tarry?" from the MMPI cracked me up when I answered questions for UCSF about my potty habits and satisfaction with my sexual activity.

OK, inquiring minds want to know. How satisfied is Jack with his sex life? Well I have to tell you, life is good and I love life. And yes, that answer has nothing to do in anyway with how I feel about my deeply personal activities. Inquiring minds can inquire all they want but will probably never get a straight answer from you know who about you know what.

Peace and Love,
Jack

Om, BART, Blue V, Fear is the Path to the Darkside, Gandalf

I have found peace and relaxation in chanting. Below is an excerpt from a Yoga Journal article.


Many believe the mantra "Om" to be the sound of the universe. Om is traditionally chanted at the beginning and end of yoga sessions. It is an acknowledgment that the universe around us is constantly moving — the setting sun, the rising moon, the ebb and flow of the tides, the beating of our hearts.

Ancient yogis used Om to recognize this never-ceasing movement and seek oneness with the universe. Chanting it is meant to resonate that movement throughout the breath, awareness, and energy to reveal a more powerful connection with the universe. - Yoga Journal


Yesterday a good friend drove us into the city, San Francisco. We dropped our vehicle off near a Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) station and drove in the car pool lane all the way into the city. When UCSF had finished their work with me, my friend dropped my folks and I off at the BART station and we had a nice ride into Lafayette BART and we picked up our car.


My visits started off with an hour and a half long MRI and MRS (Magnetic Resonance Spectroscopy) at the UCSF China Basin Clinic. The Valium I took before my MRI tube ride was nice. The MR machine had a little window so I think the "Blue V" helped the passage of time and helped me tolerate the clanking of the machine easier. The hour and a half in the tight, little tube was easy and relaxing.


Jane (my RN) gave me more information about follow up visits and drugs up on the hill on Parnassus Road. We also talked about my schedule. The University of California, San Francisco has been very good to me.


"Fear is the path to the dark side... fear leads to anger... anger leads to hate.. hate leads to suffering.", Yoda. I am very comforted to have no fear. I believe I am going to have fun with the chemotherapy and 33 radiation treatments. "I am ready as well I should be. For my ally is Life Force Energy (Prana). And a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we...(Yoda pinches Luke’s shoulder)... not this crude matter." I took a little liberty with the quote but the love and prayers I feel from all of you give me tremendous strength. Thank you. I have learned to tap into the goodness that surrounds us as well. The goodness of an old, growth, Douglass Fir Tree. The goodness of a well constructed mountain trail. The goodness of the beautiful, powerful, McKenzie River. The love of my two wonderful German Shepherd Dogs. I am blessed to be driving past Mount Shasta tomorrow. Life is good.


The Willamette Valley Cancer Center (WVCC) called me yesterday. They are already ready to schedule my radiology treatments. I also heard from my WVCC dietitian and she is ready to schedule me for an appointment. I will arrange appointments tomorrow on the road. The WVCC has been awesome and have given me great comfort and confidence in their abilities.


I am not checking out of this human life for at least a few more decades but I love this scene in "Lord of the Rings, Return of the King".


Pippin: I didn't think it would end this way.

Gandalf: End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path . . . one that we must all take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass...

Gandalf: ...And then you see it.

Pippin: What, Gandalf? See what?

Gandalf: White shores . . . and beyond. A far green country, under a swift sunrise.

Pippin: Well, that isn't so bad.

Gandalf: No... No it isn't.


Be well,

Jack

I am in!, Brain Tumors?, Swiss Army Knife of Power, Information Geek, Old Friends are Found

I am in! I have been admitted to 2 clinical trials through the University of California, San Francisco. One trial is for the drug Enzastaurin. Enzastaurin is under investigation to see if it is effective in blocking the function of a protein on the surface of new blood vessels that enables them to multiply and grow. As tumors grow, they need new blood vessels to grow with them in order to receive nutrients and survive. Way cool! I am all in! Let's go for it!
http://neurosurgery.medschool.ucsf.edu/top_nav/clinical_trials_adult.html

The other clinical trial I am happy to be involved in is a Magnetic Resonance Spectroscopy (MRS) study. Dr. Sarah Nelson and Dr. Dan Vigneron, have developed novel ways to assess the metabolic function of brain tumors in patients who are undergoing radiation therapy. MR spectroscopy has proven to be useful in patients in whom the question of radiation damage vs. active tumor occurs following treatment. I love this 21st Century Witchcraft. I think the technology is way cool and I am pleased to help with the research.
http://www.neurorad.ucsf.edu/research.html#Tumor

Brain Tumors? I trust my health care team in Springfield and Eugene, Oregon and in San Francisco, California. I have the most caring and loving health care team and they are all smoking good at their jobs and tops in their fields. I have tremendous confidence in them and I have received great comfort through their efforts.

My efforts are focused on preparing myself mentally, physically, and spiritually for this significant learning opportunity. Boss, I am chomping at the bit to get back to work. I am nearly ready for radiation, chemotherapy, and working full time as a super star, senior programmer. I am so pleased with the work of my Brain Surgeon (neurologist) Dr. McGuiver. That big, chunk of tumor that Dr. McGuiver deftly removed from my skull near my right temporal lobe and brain stem effective me in ways I would rather not experience again. Dr. McGuiver, you weild the "Tungsten, Magical, Swiss Army Knife, of Precision and Power" second to none. Dr. Goodknife, my orthopoedist, wields a magic knife arthroscopically and is skilled beyond the imagination of most surgeons, but let's face it, Dr. Goodknife is no brain surgeon.

I am relaxed and a little excited. I feel like I did when I was being trained by Master BE in Tae Kwon Do.

I was reminiscing on Monday with Master Redwood Forest and we both had a good laugh when I remembered my fight with Master BE in the Berkeley Studio preparing for my black belt testing. OK, it was much less of a fight than it was me getting trained by Master BE. I was feeling good, I was in 30 mile or so running shape, and I had been training for over 3 years in Tae Kwon Do. I respect Master BE and I was feeling relaxed and strong. I was going to get my shots in. I just knew it! Perhaps I did get a shot in or perhaps Master BE believed I was ready to see something special?

I moved into the most beautifully aligned, powerful, well aimed side kick. This piece of art caught me on the right side of my rib cage below my chest. This was the best kick I have ever had the honor to personally experience. This gorgeous side kick picked me up off the floor probably six to 12 inches and I must have flown backwards 7 to 10 feet. I landed on my backside, slid across the floor, and immediately sprung up to my feet to jump into the fire again. Master Redwood Forest immediately stopped the action or thumping if you will. He inquired if I was OK. I felt fine and Master BE continued to train me a bit more.

That night my ribs were sore, it hurt to breathe, and my chest made little clicking sounds when I moved the injured area. What a wonderful lesson Master BE gave me. I always had respect for Master BE but I regained greater appreciation of how very, very good he is. I am very grateful for Master BE's training.

I do have allot of confidence in my health care team and I know they are very, very good at their jobs. My job is to prepare my mind, body, and spirit. Their job is to do their health care magic. I am not going to be a neurologist, oncologist, radiologist, orthopedist, nurse, nutritionist, or anesthesiologist this lifetime. I am a senior programmer and a bit of an information geek. Below is a link below to a nice, 49 page, pdf, of information written most of us lay geeks can understand.
http://www.virtualtrials.org/faq/Patient_Guide%203.0.pdf

Old Friends Are Found just by contacting them or being contacted. With love as our intention, forgiveness for past time is easy. Thank you all for proving this to me. I have the best friends, family, and community ever! I have been touched by friends and family that I have not had any contact with this millennium and we picked up where we left off instantly. Actually I think our rekindled relationships are stronger than ever. How lucky am I to have a highly malignant brain tumor? I feel loved and very lucky to rekindle our relationships. I feel we all have grown since last we met and my relationships with you feel stronger and more loving than ever.

Peace and Love,
Jack

Easy day, Honoring Your Edge, Hope, Accepting Help, and The Great Wall of China

"There is no worse death than the end of hope", the Roman philosopher Palagius from the excellent film, "King Arthur" (2004). I am full of hope and enjoying the love and life force energy (prana or ki or many other words) that surrounds us and is within us all.

Yesterday was an easy day for me. I figured out my folks' telephone answering system and set the number of rings on their phone to two and set up their answering system so they can get their voice mails remotely. I also had a very nice visit with some friends at their beautiful home on one of the fairways on the Lake Wildwood Golf Course. We drove to a good friend's home in Danville, California and ate at an excellent, Italian restaurant. This good friend graciously and generously extended his hospitality and is driving us into San Francisco for my University of California, San Francisco (UCSF) oncologist appointment.

I am starting to do a bit of yoga and I am honoring my edge. My left knee is feeling good and I can almost walk at a normal pace now. I still use a crutch as a walking cane not only to slow me down but to provide my knee and skull an extra margin of safety.

I have learned to accept help gracefully through this experience with gioblastoma multiforme (GBM). At the scene of my bicycle wreck on June 10, 2007 where I incurred a concussion, stable compression fracture of thoracic vertebrae 10, a bruised lung, lacerated liver, and a slew of other relatively minor injuries that did not show up on imaging, the EMT report said something like, "The patient was exhibiting seizure activity and was combative and refused care." I have total amnesia of my wreck into the brick wall, Great Wall of China sized, volcanic rock so I trust the EMT report and it is consistent of who I was. I could see myself saying, "I'm OK. Just let me rest a bit and I'll be alright. Do not touch me. I do not want to pay for an ambulance ride or emergency department copay." I have short term memory loss of at least 30 minutes before my crash so unfortunately I missed out on my helicopter ride out of the most beautiful place on Earth, The Three Sisters Wilderness Area.

I learned during my week long stay in Sacred Heart Medical Center (SHMC) in Eugene to accept help with grace. It was easy. The skillful, loving care provided by the staff, physicians, nurses, and volunteers of SHMC to me the entire Thanksgiving week was wonderful and gave me and my parents great comfort. Thank you SHMC and god bless you.

Peace and Love,
Jack

Zen, DeNile Is Not Just a River in Egypt, Jesus, and the Grateful Dead

“Everything is as it should be, it cannot be otherwise.” This is a Zen quote as my memory serves me.

I love this quote from the excellent movie, “The Last Samurai” with the great actors Tom Cruz (Algren) and Ken Watanabe (Katsumoto). . Earlier in the film Katsumoto and Algren had a conversation in Katsumoto’s garden as Katsumoto was meditating and enjoying a cherry tree in full blossom. Katsumoto said to Algren, “The perfect blossom is a rare thing. You could spend your life looking for one, and it would not be a wasted life.”

There is a beautiful seen near the end of the film as the Samurai warrior Katsumoto lay dying with the seriously injured Algren on the last field of battle between the Samurai warriors and the Emperor’s soldiers. Katsumoto said to Algren with his dying breath and staring at the cherry blossoms, “Perfect... They are all... perfect... “

I want to let you all know that you are perfect as you are and I am blessed to know you perfect beings. Oh yeah, I am not dying. With your love I’ll enjoy your perfection for another 50 years or so.

Denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Yesterday was a good day for me. I had been having headaches since my bicycle wreck on June 10, 2007. I believed the headaches were caused by stress and thinking too hard. I have never suffered from headaches except for bouts with caffeine withdrawals, and hangovers from when I was younger and I did not love my body as much as I do now. Fortunately I love my job as a senior programmer with a great company and I was able to relax into the complex work and avoid headaches. S*, R*, D*, M*, A*, B*, T* and J* are great mentors so if I get stuck after giving it “the old, college try”. I am and not hesitant to bounce ideas off these brilliant people after I have done my due diligence. My work team rocks!

Opening up bills did give me angst and intense headaches. I, being the stoic, manly, man, I can be, attributed my sometimes intense headaches as stress related headaches and my change of living situation at the beginning of the year. At the beginning of 2007 I went from living in a loving family situation to living in my home in McKenzie Bridge, on an acre, on top of a mountain with nothing but my two German Shepherd Dogs for company. The fact that I live 44 miles from my garage to the nearest, lighted, traffic signal did not bode well for me to share my life with another beautiful human. I wanted to believe I had psychological issues to work through because the thought of actually having an organic brain problem seemed unlikely to me and much harder to deal with than a psychological problem. I can choose what I think about which will dictate my emotions. I can figure out how to deal with these headaches I told myself.

And I could deal with many of the headaches and unwanted thoughts. If I had an unwanted thought I would say a mantra I developed, “I love you Taylor. I love you Jordan. Soften the face.” My love for my two daughters Taylor and Jordan is so very powerful that all other thoughts are obliterated by blissful feelings of these two perfect beings. “Soften the face” is something my Anusara Yoga teachers remind us students to do in yoga class when we are doing postures (asana). This mantra did not work for me while opening up bills and especially medical bills. Most of my bills are automatically paid on-line or I have accounts securely set up. Thank you April for setting up my on-line banking and gently teaching me how to use it. You rock!

The past few days I weeded through a mountain of bills, mail, and junk mail. I had no headaches and I actually feel more at peace at where I stand with my creditors which are mostly medical professionals and institutions. Every late charge I have incurred has been forgiven by every creditor I talked to. The tally of forgiveness is at least five so far. These nice people have kept a customer and I will refer friends to them.

I did not want to, but I played “the brain cancer card”. The Grateful Dead on their most excellent Album, “American Beauty”, wrote a gorgeous lyric in the song, “Truckin’”;

Truckin’, like the do-dah man.
Once told me, “You’ve got to play your hand.”
Sometimes the cards ain’t worth a dime, if you don’t lay them down.

“Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Jesus.

I have realized great peace by forgiving everyone that has ever trespassed against me all the way back to my earliest memories of childhood. This includes those beings that were in a very, human, self centered, place. I have also forgiven myself for everything that I am not particularly proud of or, if given what I know now, would have behaved differently, made different decisions, or said kinder, more loving words. I truly see the beautiful, divine spirit in everyone but I’ll admit the beautiful spirit is much easier to see in some humans than in others. Out of respect for my father and others, I’ll shy away from politics for now as to not offend anyone with my examples of people I have to look very, very, hard at to see their divine spirit.

Joan, a family friend, cooked us a nice meal yesterday evening. The act of kindness was so helpful for me and my folks. I have been such an infant after brain surgery and I have been running my folks ragged. I affectionately refer to Mom as “Fetch” and Dad as “Carry”. I referred to my younger brother Jeff as “Carry 2”. Jeff dropped his life in New Zealand and jumped on a jet plane to Oregon immediately after hearing I was laying in Sacred Heart Medical Center with a brain tumor bigger than an extra large, chicken egg in my skull. I am very grateful for the love and support of my family, friends, community, and most excellent health care providers and staff. My folks dropped their full lives immediately in California as well as my younger Mike. I am very proud of my younger brother Mike and his achievements and recognition of being the Karaoke Jockey (KJ) of the best Karaoke show in Sacramento, California for something like three years in a row. Mike missed something like three of his Karaoke shows and had to take time off of work. I am very grateful for the love and support of my family. My family rocks!

We were blessed to stay at my good friend April’s beautiful, home while she was away for a week on a business trip to Chicago. I live an hour away from town up the McKenzie River in “God’s Country”, McKenzie Bridge. April’s generosity was a huge blessing. I had physician follow ups to do in Eugene and Springfield that my mother and most excellent patient advocate expertly navigated through the labyrinth of Physician Offices. I happened to have failed to get an appointment with one of my physician’s due to newly trained staff but my mother, very Jack Russell Terrier like, doggedly made the system work.

I have to let you know, the Willamette Valley Cancer Center (WVCC) rocks! How easy it is to work with them. They have taken care of everything and slid me into the University of San Francisco clinical trial for glioblastoma multiforme (GBM) easier than I gracefully, flow down the fast, smooth sections of the King’s Castle trail on my most excellent, 2007, Santa Cruz Blur XC with all Shimano XTR components or better. I live a warm up ride away from this most excellent trail from my home in McKenzie Bridge. But I digress with verbosity. Please forgive me as I have forgiven myself. The skill, professionalism, efficiency, kindness, niceness, and goodness of WVCC have given me great comfort, confidence and peace.

I also was blessed to play the roll of male parental figure with my two, beautiful, loving, kind, caring, talented, intelligent, athletic, graceful, semi-adopted, daughters the week after my week’s stay in Sacred Heart Medical Center. I was blessed to help parent these two wonderful beings for nearly 5 years. I was privileged to sign Taylor’s progress report on Wednesday. It was bliss to acknowledge that Taylor is on the honor roll again. Taylor is in the 8th grade and turns 14 today. Happy Birthday Taylor! Taylor personifies everything that is good, beautiful, and graceful in the world.

I was able to review Jordan’s homework and I was able to help teach Jordan on one tricky question. Jordan is 10 and in the fourth grade, an excellent student, brilliant athlete, and a graceful dancer. The homework assignment was asking the student to identify proper nouns. This particular question was written on two lines and the top line ended in “Washington D.C.” The line made a complete sentence and I found this to be very tricky and probably a little unfair for a fourth grader to handle. I asked Jordan to read the sentence to me aloud and sure enough, she ended the sentence at “Washington D.C.” Please note the period that is used to abbreviate the capitol of the United States of America. I gently and kindly explained the trickiness of the question and why and how I felt the question was tricky. I asked Jordan if she saw how the sentence wrapped to the line below. Jordan instantly saw that the rest of the sentence included the proper noun “Philadelphia, PA” and updated her homework. My girls rock!

My mother also walked Jordan to the bus stop every morning for me as I was still on crutches, taking things very easy by Dr.'s and mother's orders, and had not started physical therapy yet after my knee surgery. On Thursday we all went and watched Jordan receive her “Self Manager Award” at Mt. Vernon Elementary school in Springfield. Self Manager’s are student who are recognized as good examples of Mt. Vernon Elementary School’s values of “Respect, Responsibility, Safety, and Excelling”. I will elaborate on this ceremony in my story and a later post which will include the most excellent presentation from our most excellent, KEZI, local, TV News Anchor, Rick Dancer. Rick, your stylish rendition of “White Christmas” touched my soul and sent a tear of joy streaming down my left cheek. You rock self manager guy!

Be well,
Jack