Aloha!
On my drive today through the snow up in McKenzie Bridge down to see Dr. Goodknife, my orthopedic surgeon, a Lexus was doing about 25 miles per hour in a 55 mile per zone. This gorgeous, late model, automobile was holding up a Fed Ex truck, a late model Honda Accord, and a super cool, black, 1998 VW Jetta GLX, me. I was held up for about 30 seconds. The yellow, double line that was painted on the dry road last summer was shiny with water but gave way to a shiny, wet with water, broken yellow line. The thermometer on my fine, German automobile’s computer indicated that the outside temperature was 37 degrees. I shifted into third gear and my responsive, 172 horsepower VR6 motor effortlessly passed the three vehicles politely and with awe inspiring power. As I passed the Lexus Shmexus, I could not help reading the Shmexus driver's mind. The driver thought, “Nice car. What does the driver of the Jetta know that I do not know? This road is scary. What if the Jetta hits ice or Oregon experiences a freak meteor shower?”
Dr. Goodknife likes my knee and reminded me to wear my leg brace. I will start wearing my leg brace again and limit my exercise to bicycling motions and non-ballistic yoga. My knee feels strong but I will not be golfing until at least March 11, 2008. I may putt and chip before then but I will keep my motions non ballistic.
I have so much gratitude for my Mom and Dad. They have given me great comfort and powerful confidence to battle cancer. Mom has taken care of my dogs and home during my entire radiation treatment. During most of radiation therapy, I have been staying with very, good friends who have given me great comfort and lots of laughs. My father has been great and has reminded me of my own lessons on patience and humor. My parents are very good people and I love them very much. I am very proud of my family, friends, home, and life decisions.
I am going to make my writing reflect an inclusive attitude. Much of the world lends itself well for satirical writing and I may write a little satire if I think the effort will pay a medical co-payment. I like to write with love and inclusiveness. Bait me, and I have some satire in my pocket ready to roll immediately.
“Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment. Full effort is full victory.”
Mohandas K. Gandhi
“We are defined by the manner in which we live and do things. Victory is hollow if the means to attain victory were violent, wasteful, or only benefited a privileged few.”
Me
Peace and Love,
Jack GLX
“It takes courage, genius, or love to make things simpler, smaller, and peaceful.”
Monday, January 28, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
Radiation Sequence, Albert Was Wise and Smart, I Am Good, Grateful, My Mother
Attached above is a sequence of photos from early on in my radiation treatment. I have 7 more radiation treatments. I am looking forward to being back home. My friends in Eugene have been wonderful to me and given me tremendous comfort.
We should use thinking to solve problems other than the thinking that created the problems. Jack
We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them. Albert Einstein
I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world. Albert Einstein
I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life is best for everyone, best both for the body and the mind. Albert Einstein
Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding. Albert Einstein
I feel good. I work for a good company and work with wonderful coworkers and clients. I have been exercising nearly every day and doing at least a little yoga every day. Five minutes of yoga a day is infinitely better than no minutes of yoga a day. Talking with my friends and family pumps me up. Balancing my work, my exercise, my relationships, my radiation treatments, Dr. appointments, my nutrition, my drugs and my sleep has given me great power and spiritual strength. I welcome not having to balance as many Dr. Appointments and eliminating the radiation treatments from my life balance.
I am very grateful for my life. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Every day is a new day. There is so much to do. There is an abundance of discovery available to us. Love is everywhere. One only needs to be receptive to feel love all the time. I feel Spring is near and my fly fishing gear is ready. It feels great to be alive and wearing the skin of a human being. I am very fortunate.
My mother has been wonderful. She has taken care of my home and loved my dogs while I have been away getting radiation treatments. I have so much confidence in her and I have been able to totally relax knowing she is taking wonderful care of my Mojo, Salena, and my home.
Peace and Love,
Jack
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Blue Beenie of Power, Omega Scar of Ultimate Healing, Nice Post
My younger brother, Sir Chili Sinatra, bought me this wonderful hat. Mike Fed Ex'd the "Blue Beenie of Power", to my pharmacist. Pharmacist Stiletto Tongue had a quip or two about me using the Willamette Valley Cancer Center as my own personal post office. Pharmacist Tongue is very nice, very good at her job, and very beautiful. I think this Toronto Maple Leaf beenie shows my Canadian heritage off to good advantage.
Dr. Frankenstein gave me the nice, Omega Scar of Ultimate Healing. I am working up a sweat training in my second floor living room. The CD on the banister is The Red Hot Chili Peppers, "What Hits?".I feel good and need to make some money. So this is a short post with no parting shots at anyone who may antagonize my compassionate, loving, but very real wrath. Just kidding. I have no wrath. With all the love around me and in me, I choose not to make room for wrath.
"We need to be the change we wish to see in the world. "
Mahatma Gandhi
Peace and Love
Jack Canadian
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Constipation Management, Ramalamadingdong, Next to Useless, GB
Stardate 200801122337
Aloha Friends and Family!
Last Thursday I was patiently waiting with breathless anticipation in the patient lounge of the Willamette Valley Cancer Center for my 15th radiant beam of healing energy. I was enjoying a cellular phone conversation with my beloved, younger brother, Iron Mike. One of my favorite radiation technologists, Lorin, swaggered up to me like John Wayne and handed me a yellow sheet of paper. On this sheet of paper in 24 point, Corbel font, bolded and centered on the top of the sheet were the words “Constipation Management”.
I lost it. I started laughing so hard I had to wipe the snot away from my face with my sleeve. OK, I did not get snotty but the word snot sounds funny to me. As Lorin and I swaggered past two of the pretty Willamette Valley Cancer Center office workers, I bit my tongue as to not embarrass these skilled and nice workers at what I was laughing at. Believe it or not, constipation management is snot funny to everyone.
Unfortunately the powerful, protective field, which I will call the solar plexus chakra, in the radiation room, which I lovingly call the tanning booth, killed my phone conversation with my brother. I suppose that is good news for my radiation technologists. If cell phone signals could get into the tanning booth, what could escape out? Perhaps super charged, nitrous injected, beams of radiation, that will rip through a skull like a hot knife through butter would escape out of the room and cause collateral damage to good, living tissue like my good friends at the Willamette Valley Cancer Center.
I have three words that have helped me regain my status as the most regular and consistent object in the universe next to the atomic clock located in Boulder Colorado:
ducosate sodium and exercise.
If you have ever felt, as many, many people do, that after you have evacuated, there is still something left, here is the reason:
The anal canal is UNSTRAIGHTENED when seated. Bowel evacuation when seated results frequently in OBSTRUCTIVE CONSTIPATION.
1Adopt a relaxed, FULL SQUAT POSTURE and the anal canal STRAIGHTENS.
This obviously can help constipation. Months later other health improvements can happen, due to your body being free of extra toxins. Also, bladder function may improve after several months because of an improved pelvic floor nerve supply. http://www.relfe.com/toilet_seat_constipation.html
Last week was a good week for me. I have been adopted until February 5, 2008 by two of the most wonderful people I have ever met. Mahatmas and Margareta Ramalamadingdong. M&M are two of the nicest, kindest, and fun people I know. Everyday we laugh. Mostly we laugh at my motorcycling, helmet less, crossbow antics but we laugh at other stuff I do as well. I have seen M&M laugh even without me being involved. I suppose they are laughing at something I said or did but perhaps there are other opportunities to laugh other than the stuff I do, say, or expel out of my human body?
I am doing my best not to make a mess and not to be useless. I am holding a strong position at “next to useless”. I suppose that makes me over qualified to be the Republican Candidate for the President of the United States in November 2008. If the current U.S. president is any indicator of Republican Presidential Qualifications, the Republican Candidate needs to be “worst than useless”. Perhaps the successful Republican Candidate needs to be even way, way, way, way worst than useless. Is it a coincidence my cancer is a gioblastoma or as the oncologists say, “A GB”?
Ooops! Gotta run.
Peace and Love
Jack Consistent
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain. Mark Twain
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. Mark Twain
Aloha Friends and Family!
Last Thursday I was patiently waiting with breathless anticipation in the patient lounge of the Willamette Valley Cancer Center for my 15th radiant beam of healing energy. I was enjoying a cellular phone conversation with my beloved, younger brother, Iron Mike. One of my favorite radiation technologists, Lorin, swaggered up to me like John Wayne and handed me a yellow sheet of paper. On this sheet of paper in 24 point, Corbel font, bolded and centered on the top of the sheet were the words “Constipation Management”.
I lost it. I started laughing so hard I had to wipe the snot away from my face with my sleeve. OK, I did not get snotty but the word snot sounds funny to me. As Lorin and I swaggered past two of the pretty Willamette Valley Cancer Center office workers, I bit my tongue as to not embarrass these skilled and nice workers at what I was laughing at. Believe it or not, constipation management is snot funny to everyone.
Unfortunately the powerful, protective field, which I will call the solar plexus chakra, in the radiation room, which I lovingly call the tanning booth, killed my phone conversation with my brother. I suppose that is good news for my radiation technologists. If cell phone signals could get into the tanning booth, what could escape out? Perhaps super charged, nitrous injected, beams of radiation, that will rip through a skull like a hot knife through butter would escape out of the room and cause collateral damage to good, living tissue like my good friends at the Willamette Valley Cancer Center.
I have three words that have helped me regain my status as the most regular and consistent object in the universe next to the atomic clock located in Boulder Colorado:
ducosate sodium and exercise.
If you have ever felt, as many, many people do, that after you have evacuated, there is still something left, here is the reason:
The anal canal is UNSTRAIGHTENED when seated. Bowel evacuation when seated results frequently in OBSTRUCTIVE CONSTIPATION.
1Adopt a relaxed, FULL SQUAT POSTURE and the anal canal STRAIGHTENS.
This obviously can help constipation. Months later other health improvements can happen, due to your body being free of extra toxins. Also, bladder function may improve after several months because of an improved pelvic floor nerve supply. http://www.relfe.com/toilet_seat_constipation.html
Last week was a good week for me. I have been adopted until February 5, 2008 by two of the most wonderful people I have ever met. Mahatmas and Margareta Ramalamadingdong. M&M are two of the nicest, kindest, and fun people I know. Everyday we laugh. Mostly we laugh at my motorcycling, helmet less, crossbow antics but we laugh at other stuff I do as well. I have seen M&M laugh even without me being involved. I suppose they are laughing at something I said or did but perhaps there are other opportunities to laugh other than the stuff I do, say, or expel out of my human body?
I am doing my best not to make a mess and not to be useless. I am holding a strong position at “next to useless”. I suppose that makes me over qualified to be the Republican Candidate for the President of the United States in November 2008. If the current U.S. president is any indicator of Republican Presidential Qualifications, the Republican Candidate needs to be “worst than useless”. Perhaps the successful Republican Candidate needs to be even way, way, way, way worst than useless. Is it a coincidence my cancer is a gioblastoma or as the oncologists say, “A GB”?
Ooops! Gotta run.
Peace and Love
Jack Consistent
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain. Mark Twain
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. Mark Twain
Friday, January 11, 2008
Work, McKnight Magic Bus, No Headstands, Master Be, Slaves & Bulldozers, New Paradigm
Star Date 200801112318This image of me is from November 17, 2007. You can clearly see the leg brace on my left knee I am wearing to stay compliant with Dr. Goodknife's medical instructions. Note the attractive red bandanna my trustee German Shepherd Dog "Mojo" is wearing. "Good Boy Mojo." Mojo and I are walking out to our car from the McKenzie River Cafe to buy Artemis breakfast moments before having a thinking induced seizure that left me in a puddle of water in the parking lot.
This
is me as late as January 11, 2008 leaving the Willamette Valley Cancer Center in Eugene after Radiation Therapy on my way up river to my home in McKenzie Bridge, Oregon. You can clearly see the radiation induced baldness on the side of my head. The chicks dig my new baldness. Some have inferred that Dr. Frankenstein's emergency craniotomy has had an effect on my fashion sense. I think I have always been a fashion guru and on the cutting edge of all that is fashionable. You would be amazed at how often Ralph Loren, Calvin Klein, Dino De Laurentis, Christian Dior, Pery Ellis, Gloria Vanderbuilt, Liz Claiborne, and Vera Wang drop by my 2 bedroom, one bath, mountain top, McKenzie River home for fashion tips or just to see what I am wearing. The parties we have when they all drop by unannounced at the same time are epic. Good thing for me they all drink cheap, domestic beer. These tweakers never bring their own beer."Be careless in your dress if you will, but keep a tidy soul." Mark Twain
What a day I had today. I did good work today for my job. I love my job. I spoke with a few coworkers including Solomon Hawking. I spoke with a client and confirmed our understanding of our work and the time constraints we are going to meet.
Dave McKnight called to pump me up today. Dave recently saw the movie "Sniper" with Tom Beringer. The movie shows a scene in Panama City, Panama with the McKnight Magic Bus in it. When Dave McKnight and I were occupying Panama from 1983 -1985, the Magic Buses were marvelously colorful, salsa music blaring, converted school buses that were used for the city's mass transit. The bus highlighted in the movie "Sniper", showed Rambo with an M-60 machine gun on the back of the bus. Dave and I both remember this very same bus. Good times eh McKnight?
I called my neuro surgeon today, Dr. Frankenstein. I was unable to talk to Dr Frankenshtone but was able to speak with Dr. Fronkinsteen's nurse, Frau Blucher. Over the whinny of horses, I told Frau that I was a yogi like no other. I asked Frau over the whinny of horses, if I could start doing headstands as part of my daily practice. After the whinnying died down Frau said she would have to ask Dr. Freakadelicioustein that question. I said, "Frau, you must get this question from Dr. Fromageomelette's patients all the time." After substantial whinnying from the horses, Frau, and yours truly, Frau confided in me that headstands have not been asked for, nor prescribed by the good doctor. In exchange for Frau videotaping Dr. Frankenstein's response from my irregular question, I have reluctantly agreed to do no headstands until the good Doctor gives me the thumbs up. I find the thought of the right side of my skull collapsing while I am doing a headstand very thrilling. But alas, I have agreed to be the nice, thoughtful, compliant patient until December 2008 for my oncologists, radiation oncologist, neuro surgeon, rehabilitation medicine physician, and orthopedic surgeon. Perhaps I need another physical system to break down so I can practice being a non-compliant patient?
Master Be called me last night and we had a wonderful time catching up. Master Be always was and is a good person. We had a great laugh reminiscing his gorgeous side kick that sent me flying through the air like an eagle, and when I landed, skidding along on my rear like a dog with worms across Master Buffalo's studio. I laughed, because I can now, about the weeks and weeks it took for my busted up ribs to heal. Ahhhh... the good ol' days. I miss those days when every inhale and exhale hurt. When it hurt to lay down. We had some great times. Thank you for the training, sir.
Master Be and I also reflected on our Quantum Physics and how it was no surprise to me that Master Be attracted a fabulous woman into his life. Master Be, you draw goodness to you like sweet nectar draws a beautiful hummingbird.
I like these lyrics to this song. I have paraphrased the song a little to emphasize what I want.
“Slaves & Bulldozers”, Soundgarden Badmotorfinger (1991)
Every word I said is what I mean
Everything I gave is what I need
Everything I've held is what I've freed
Everything I've shown is what I feel
The song is very powerful and has more to it but the lyrics get a little negative without the music. Suffice it to say, things do not bode well for greedy, unloving, self serving folk. Are we as a world on the verge of a loving, new paradigm for living with each other and our neighbors in this world? I believe so. How do I know with so much confidence and certainty? I am curing brain cancer here and I know stuff. "I know stuff." like 75-year Old George from "The Postman" with Kevin Costner said, "I know stuff. "
Peace & Love
JC
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Babylon, Great Day, Oakway Fitness, Fly Fishing, Pirate
Star Date 200801072114
Babble On, Great Day,
I must respond to a beloved commenter that accurately described my communication skills as being a chaotic babble. I think Led Zeppelin sang my tail best and my propensity to babble beautifully in their song “Babylon” off of there fourth album they titled, “Ha ha ha ha, Silly Humans Will Guess at the Title of This Album for Decades!”.
Mine's a tale that can't be told, my freedom I hold dear
How years ago in days of old when magic filled the air
'twas in the darkest depths of Mordor, mm-I met a girl so fair
but Gollum and the evil one crept up and slipped away with her
her, her, yeah, and ain't nothin' I can do, no
I guess I'll keep on babblin', I'm gonna
Sing my song/Sh-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah, I've gotta find my baby
I'm gonna babble on, sing my song
Gonna work my way all around the world
Baby, baby/Babble on, yeah
What a great day it was today. The snow dumped at my home in McKenzie Bridge. It took me and my mother about a half hour to get my way cool, black, 1998, VW, Jetta GLX, with the 5 speed, leather, Bose stereo, and sunroof, to the road through the deep snow. That VW VR6 is an awesome motor. Awwww…..but I babble on and on and on.
I started a month membership at Oakway Fitness in Eugene. Oakway Fitness is less than a half mile from my radiation treatments. Exercise makes me feel good. I joke with people that I feel good and sometimes very good. Exercise makes me feel very good. Oakway is a nice, clean, club. It is well maintained, has much to offer, and the staff is nice.
As far as fishing goes…I love fly fishing with my younger brother. Who caught the biggest trout in Alaska Bro? Don’t answer. Who caught the most Coho Salmon, bro? You can answer this question. Who was wet fly fishing for grayling with a 4 weight rod when the grayling were rising to dry flies? OK, that question is not fair. Many times the bigger fish will take wet flies and shun dry flies. I say “so what.” Dry fly fishing from a float tube is fun.
I think I’ll buy a bandanna today. My hair is getting thin from the radiation and I think the pirate look suites me.
Peace and love,
Captain Jack Sparrow
Babble On, Great Day,
I must respond to a beloved commenter that accurately described my communication skills as being a chaotic babble. I think Led Zeppelin sang my tail best and my propensity to babble beautifully in their song “Babylon” off of there fourth album they titled, “Ha ha ha ha, Silly Humans Will Guess at the Title of This Album for Decades!”.
Mine's a tale that can't be told, my freedom I hold dear
How years ago in days of old when magic filled the air
'twas in the darkest depths of Mordor, mm-I met a girl so fair
but Gollum and the evil one crept up and slipped away with her
her, her, yeah, and ain't nothin' I can do, no
I guess I'll keep on babblin', I'm gonna
Sing my song/Sh-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah, I've gotta find my baby
I'm gonna babble on, sing my song
Gonna work my way all around the world
Baby, baby/Babble on, yeah
What a great day it was today. The snow dumped at my home in McKenzie Bridge. It took me and my mother about a half hour to get my way cool, black, 1998, VW, Jetta GLX, with the 5 speed, leather, Bose stereo, and sunroof, to the road through the deep snow. That VW VR6 is an awesome motor. Awwww…..but I babble on and on and on.
I started a month membership at Oakway Fitness in Eugene. Oakway Fitness is less than a half mile from my radiation treatments. Exercise makes me feel good. I joke with people that I feel good and sometimes very good. Exercise makes me feel very good. Oakway is a nice, clean, club. It is well maintained, has much to offer, and the staff is nice.
As far as fishing goes…I love fly fishing with my younger brother. Who caught the biggest trout in Alaska Bro? Don’t answer. Who caught the most Coho Salmon, bro? You can answer this question. Who was wet fly fishing for grayling with a 4 weight rod when the grayling were rising to dry flies? OK, that question is not fair. Many times the bigger fish will take wet flies and shun dry flies. I say “so what.” Dry fly fishing from a float tube is fun.
I think I’ll buy a bandanna today. My hair is getting thin from the radiation and I think the pirate look suites me.
Peace and love,
Captain Jack Sparrow
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Work and curing cancer, Away from My Head, Pathfinder, Your Childrens' Children, Long Live My Care Givers!
Happy New Year Everyone!
I believe my blogging will decrease somewhat in the near future but will pick up again after I have received all 33 of my radiant beams of healing energy from the good people at Willamette Valley Cancer Center. I have officially completed one third of my radiation treatments.
Between work and curing cancer, my whole day is taken. Travelling to an internet cafe, setting up my work station, exercising, and other normal bodily functions takes a bit of time. I am back to work eight hours a day. Cancer radiation treatments takes over an hour which included the travel time. Thank goodness for my friends setting me up with house sitting, dog sitting, and house guesting gigs in town. This kindness saves me the treacherous, snowy, icy, rainy, 1 hour and 15 minute drive form my home to the Radiation Tower of Healing Light.
I like to exercise at least an hour a day but I think the cancer curative properties of exercise peak at a little over 2 to 3 hours per day. I like to sleep every night as well and chit chat with a friend or two or three or four or five......
The most important part of my cancer cure is talking to friends, family, community, and care givers. I feel the goodness from people, animals, and other environmental manifestations. Getting out of my head is important. Getting in touch with other entities pulls me back into my body and away from my head. My head is feeling a bit odd and I think I may have some swelling from the radiation and chemotherapy. I do not believe what I am feeling are good tissue being injured. I think what I feel is the cancer receding and withering away.
I think the swelling is from the cancer dying in place. I am a good runner so it will do no good for the cancer to run and hide although I would not fault the cancer's effort. Running and hiding is a legitimate, wise, and courageous fighting technique. However, I am an Airborne Pathfinder and I will hunt down my enemy and eliminate it if it is a threat to those I love. However, I will never ever incur collateral damage. Collateral damage is always avoidable and never acceptable. It is not what we do or why we do things that matters. How we do things defines us as human beings and a community.
I like the following lyrics from "We Can Run, But We Can't Hide", The Grateful Dead off of the beautiful album, "Built to Last"
We don't own this place, though we act as if we did,
It's a loan from the children of our children's kids.
The actual owners haven't even been born yet.
Long Live My Care Givers! They have given me great comfort. I get to refill my medications next week as I am going to run out soon. This is good because I get to consult with my pharmacist, Raquel Goodtime. I look for excuses to talk pharmaceuticals.
Be well,
Jack
I believe my blogging will decrease somewhat in the near future but will pick up again after I have received all 33 of my radiant beams of healing energy from the good people at Willamette Valley Cancer Center. I have officially completed one third of my radiation treatments.
Between work and curing cancer, my whole day is taken. Travelling to an internet cafe, setting up my work station, exercising, and other normal bodily functions takes a bit of time. I am back to work eight hours a day. Cancer radiation treatments takes over an hour which included the travel time. Thank goodness for my friends setting me up with house sitting, dog sitting, and house guesting gigs in town. This kindness saves me the treacherous, snowy, icy, rainy, 1 hour and 15 minute drive form my home to the Radiation Tower of Healing Light.
I like to exercise at least an hour a day but I think the cancer curative properties of exercise peak at a little over 2 to 3 hours per day. I like to sleep every night as well and chit chat with a friend or two or three or four or five......
The most important part of my cancer cure is talking to friends, family, community, and care givers. I feel the goodness from people, animals, and other environmental manifestations. Getting out of my head is important. Getting in touch with other entities pulls me back into my body and away from my head. My head is feeling a bit odd and I think I may have some swelling from the radiation and chemotherapy. I do not believe what I am feeling are good tissue being injured. I think what I feel is the cancer receding and withering away.
I think the swelling is from the cancer dying in place. I am a good runner so it will do no good for the cancer to run and hide although I would not fault the cancer's effort. Running and hiding is a legitimate, wise, and courageous fighting technique. However, I am an Airborne Pathfinder and I will hunt down my enemy and eliminate it if it is a threat to those I love. However, I will never ever incur collateral damage. Collateral damage is always avoidable and never acceptable. It is not what we do or why we do things that matters. How we do things defines us as human beings and a community.
I like the following lyrics from "We Can Run, But We Can't Hide", The Grateful Dead off of the beautiful album, "Built to Last"
We don't own this place, though we act as if we did,
It's a loan from the children of our children's kids.
The actual owners haven't even been born yet.
Long Live My Care Givers! They have given me great comfort. I get to refill my medications next week as I am going to run out soon. This is good because I get to consult with my pharmacist, Raquel Goodtime. I look for excuses to talk pharmaceuticals.
Be well,
Jack
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Day of Rest, Scar Massage, Day of Rest, Pill Popping Schedule, Healthy as a Bull Elk in It's Prime, Cancer Inconvenience, No Wine for the Wicked
Aloha!
I did not exercise today the first day of 2008. Today was a day of rest. I honored the fatigue I was feeling and just took it easy. I spent a good part of the day cracking jokes with other internet using caffeine fiends. I wrote a long, diatribe on my personal recollection of 2007. I did a couple hours of programming and testing for work, and took a hot tub, twice.
I have started massaging my scalp and knee scar. One of my precious, licensed massage therapists showed me a cool technique where gentle tension can be used to release adhesion. My Omega shaped, head scar has some strong adhesion to the underlying tissue. I feel the gentle tension is working to allow the scar to slip more on the underlying fascia, muscle, and bone. I figure by the end of radiation on February 5, 2008.
, I should have a fully functioning skull. I believe my neurologist, Dr. Tiger Von Frankenstein, will be pleased. I watched a cool television program on the Public Broadcasting System (PBS) on brain plasticity today.
I do not want to leave Dr. Goodknife out so I have started gently massaging one of my knee scars. I have a super cool scar over the left, medial collateral ligament that I am gently massaging this way, cool scar, regularly. My left wheel feels light, strong, powerful, and fast. I am practicing my kicks one quarter to one half speed. Mostly I am working on proper alignment and target.
I probed my heart but I am certain there are no scars on my heart. My heart is healthy and very strong physically and spiritually. Massage feels good especially on healthy tissue.
I have been popping my expensive, cancer fighting drugs on schedule and as directed by Dr. 'Prettiest Name Ever' Monticelli (my oncologist extraordinaire). I have had no adverse side effects that I have noted. My blood results indicate I am stronger than a healthy, bull elk in it
's prime. I feel a little protective of these drugs that are worth more than my mountain bike monetarily.
Cancer is very inconvenient. Modifying one’s life just to stay alive is most bothersome. I do appreciate the help I have received from family, friends, and my awesome community of Lane County, Oregon. Making daily radiation therapy appointments when I live an hour away from treatment in good weather is logistically challenging. My friends have helped me out tremendously in this regard with nice, warm places to stay in town. My mother is taking care of my two dogs for at least another couple of weeks up on my mountain top home next to the beautiful, clean McKenzie River.
Taking drugs on schedule is new to me. I did not do many drugs until cancer. I mostly only did caffeine, alcohol, and processed sugar. I have not had any alcohol since before November 1, 2007. I do not miss the alcohol. I only miss the camaraderie that alcohol tends to foster. There are other, healthier, sustainable ways to expand one's consciousness and feelings other than drugs.
Peace and Love,
Jack Burton (Airborne Pathfinder)
"There are many paths to truth including a pathless route."
I did not exercise today the first day of 2008. Today was a day of rest. I honored the fatigue I was feeling and just took it easy. I spent a good part of the day cracking jokes with other internet using caffeine fiends. I wrote a long, diatribe on my personal recollection of 2007. I did a couple hours of programming and testing for work, and took a hot tub, twice.
I have started massaging my scalp and knee scar. One of my precious, licensed massage therapists showed me a cool technique where gentle tension can be used to release adhesion. My Omega shaped, head scar has some strong adhesion to the underlying tissue. I feel the gentle tension is working to allow the scar to slip more on the underlying fascia, muscle, and bone. I figure by the end of radiation on February 5, 2008.
, I should have a fully functioning skull. I believe my neurologist, Dr. Tiger Von Frankenstein, will be pleased. I watched a cool television program on the Public Broadcasting System (PBS) on brain plasticity today.
I do not want to leave Dr. Goodknife out so I have started gently massaging one of my knee scars. I have a super cool scar over the left, medial collateral ligament that I am gently massaging this way, cool scar, regularly. My left wheel feels light, strong, powerful, and fast. I am practicing my kicks one quarter to one half speed. Mostly I am working on proper alignment and target.
I probed my heart but I am certain there are no scars on my heart. My heart is healthy and very strong physically and spiritually. Massage feels good especially on healthy tissue.
I have been popping my expensive, cancer fighting drugs on schedule and as directed by Dr. 'Prettiest Name Ever' Monticelli (my oncologist extraordinaire). I have had no adverse side effects that I have noted. My blood results indicate I am stronger than a healthy, bull elk in it
's prime. I feel a little protective of these drugs that are worth more than my mountain bike monetarily.
Cancer is very inconvenient. Modifying one’s life just to stay alive is most bothersome. I do appreciate the help I have received from family, friends, and my awesome community of Lane County, Oregon. Making daily radiation therapy appointments when I live an hour away from treatment in good weather is logistically challenging. My friends have helped me out tremendously in this regard with nice, warm places to stay in town. My mother is taking care of my two dogs for at least another couple of weeks up on my mountain top home next to the beautiful, clean McKenzie River.
Taking drugs on schedule is new to me. I did not do many drugs until cancer. I mostly only did caffeine, alcohol, and processed sugar. I have not had any alcohol since before November 1, 2007. I do not miss the alcohol. I only miss the camaraderie that alcohol tends to foster. There are other, healthier, sustainable ways to expand one's consciousness and feelings other than drugs.
Peace and Love,
Jack Burton (Airborne Pathfinder)
"There are many paths to truth including a pathless route."
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
2007 Revisited
Break up, Moved to a Mountain Top, Cream Puff, Volunteering, Yoga Workshop, Bike Wreck, Disability, Laguna Seca, Alternative Psychological and Physical Medicine, Return to Work, The Lifesaving Mantra, Mountain Bike Oregon, Metaphysical Supplies & Reiki, Knee Surgery, Headaches, Nausea, Seizures, and Vomiting, Near Life Experience, Awakening, Love Eternal
Those who dwell on the past are condemned to repeat past mistakes. Those who live for the future are condemned to miss the beautiful, precious moments of daily life. Life is here and now. Live life every moment eternally.
The year started out with Artemis and me in relationship counseling. We were determined to save our beautiful, long term, couple relationship. By the end of January Artemis had dropped the hammer on our relationship and I surrendered to Artemis’ wishes without drama. Artemis was my best friend. We golfed, fly fished, road biked, mountain biked, camped, river camped, did home improvement projects, other stuff, and did kid things together. We also did some Jack soul killing things like shopping for crap at Goodwill and Ross.
We also accomplished things at work that bucked and overthrew the power. We proved that adventurous spirits can overwhelm powerful, nepotistic, mediocre, cautious, conservative minds. We also improved patient care, improved profits for the company, improved reporting, and reduced the work load of our coworkers so they could do more valuable work, as well as decreasing clinical and billing errors. I could not have accomplished what I did without Artemis’ spirit and she could not have accomplished what she did without my help. This paragraph was a reminiscing of 2005-2006 work we did together but I am very proud of our efforts, and our results including the enlistment of previously resistant, key players.
Artemis had once told me that her daughters Taylor and Jordan were the best part of Artemis. At the time, I thought that statement could not possibly be true as Artemis was way cool to me. After meeting Taylor and Jordan and helping to raise them for four years, I believe Taylor and Jordan are the best part of me. I still get to be part of Taylor and Jordan’s lives. I am a very lucky being.
I then moved to a mountain top home with only my two, trustee German Shepherd Dogs, Mojo and Salena, for companionship. I was feeling a little isolated on an acre, 44 miles away from the nearest, lighted traffic, signal, in a “town” without a post office. I did what any 44 year old, ex military, educated, divorced man, in my position would do. I went postal! I mean, I started internet dating. I no longer virtually date although I do have one friend that made the excursion into cyber relationships worth the effort. I now prefer to meet or not meet people in person through common, tactile experiences. The sound of a compassionate voice, looking deeply into another’s eyes, the touch of a hand on a forearm or thigh, a heart to heart or liver to liver hug, are all very precious and valuable to me. I have many relationships I enjoy nurturing now. The virtual relationships can hang out in pay for internet use coffee shops.
I owned the McKenzie Bridge house and Artemis owned the Springfield, Oregon home. It was a natural decision for me to move up to the oasis on the river. We originally bought the McKenzie Bridge home because it was on the McKenzie River, near the Three Sisters Wilderness, 4 minutes away from great golf, and is just a gorgeous, well built, modern home. The house was also just a thought away for us and we all had many clothes and a washer and dryer at the McKenzie Bridge house. We did not even need to pack to get away from the noise, smell, and bustle of town and into the peace of the wilderness.
I attended a Willamette National Forest Volunteer Training. I recertified my chain saw and cross cut saw credentials. I also became a Pacific Crest Trail Steward. Volunteering is fun and good for America. Do people do things for another people out of niceness and love, for the betterment of all, without any though of our own self interest? Yes, we do.
I then made two critical decisions. One was to enter the Cascade Cream Puff 100 mile mountain bike race. This excellent race is billed as America’s Toughest 100 Mile Mountain Bike Race. It is an excellent race, with great trails, great supportive people, in a beautiful forest.
The other decision I made was to attend my first, three day yoga workshop with Darren Rhodes. I also lined up three internet dates. I still have one friend from this outing. Sometimes a headache is just a headache. I remember when Catharina said she had a headache at the end of the first part of our date. I had to smell my arm pits, check for nose hairs, food stuck in my teeth and all the usual suspects. Catharina are still friends so, “Sometimes a headache is just a headache.” Sigmund Freud.
I also was mentally, physically, and spiritually transformed by Darren Rhodes’ workshop. Darren is an amazing person and wonderful yogi. I saw a cobra personified by Darren in cobra posture. After about 8 months, I think I understand how Darren can personify a cobra. Thank you Darren, Tom, Karen, and Sam for your teachings.
I settled into life in the mountains, yoga, and bicycle training. On June 10, 2007 I had a bicycle wreck on scenic highway 242. The EMT’s reported that the patient was, “combative and refused care”. They also reported that I was experiencing seizures and that prompted them to have me air lifted by helicopter out of the Three Sisters Wilderness to the good people at Saint Charles Medical Center in Bend, Oregon. I have complete amnesia of the wreck from about 30 minutes to an hour before the wreck to waking up in ICU. I vaguely remember a doctor or nurse telling me I had a bicycle wreck and I had suffered a concussion, a stable compression fracture of thoracic vertebrae 10, a bruised lung, and a lacerated liver. I remember feeling that there must be some kind of mistake. “It Aint Me! I am not some busted up son.” I thought to myself. I also had a black eye, crunched up right rib cage, a bruise on the back of my skull, and road rash on my right shoulder, scapula, and knee.
If you thought I was in bad shape, you should have seen my bike. My bicycle suffered a bent handlebar, bent fork, bent frame, and my wheels were a little tweaked but repairable. My bike suffered nearly $1,000 worth of damage but Paul’s Bicycle Way of Life and Life Cycle Bicycle Shop put my trustee stead back together again, better, lighter, faster, and stronger than before.
Artemis at this time suggested that perhaps a seizure may have caused the wreck. I did not entertain this idea very seriously at the time. I acknowledged that a seizure leading to my wreck was possible but not probable. I had a CT scan at Saint Charles Medical Center and the CT did not show any bleeding or tumor type of image in my skull. The CT was not looking for tumor however. My physicians at the time did think that a seizure causing my wreck was unlikely. I agree and I believe my physicians in Bend and in Eugene did everything medically, morally, ethically, and legally correct. “Sometimes good hits have bad results.”, Dr. Bob Rotella in “Golf is Not a Game of Perfect”.
I withdrew my race entry from the Cascade Cream Puff 100 and was fortunate to sell it to a soul that finished the race. I contend that I could have found a way to finish the race in less than the 15 hour and 15 minute cut off time. What did I have to prove? Everyone, including myself, knows how tough I am, how stubborn I am, and how stupid I am. I had nothing to prove.
I also withdrew from my father’s annual Member Guest Golf Tournament at Lake Wildwood. I did not think it prudent at the time to swing a golf club with a broken back. Golf is difficult enough without the thought of a broken back clouding up the mind.
I met my buddy Dave McKnight in Carmel, California. We had not seen each other for at least15 years and had only kept intermittent contact with each other. I had a wonderful time. Dave is a very good dude. We attended the MotoGP races at Laguna Seca with some of Dave’s and now my Texan buddies. It was a great time. We went down to Big Sir to see some of the Ancient Redwoods. The Texans joked about the Oregonian Tree Hugger in their midst. I responded with, “Have you ever hugged a tree that was making oxygen for Jesus Christ and converting carbon dioxide from Julius Caesar and Cleopatra into oxygen for the rest of the world? It’s pretty cool.” They have photos of me giving one of the ancients a big old heart to trunk hug. I believe they thought it was pretty cool too as well but they did not engage in Jack’s ancient tree love fest.
I was then put on disability through work. My boss, Solomon Hawking, and company disability representative, Weniki Pedone, gave me great comfort and confidence. They are both tops in my heart and mind. Disability is a trip. I used yoga breathing to expand my crunched up rib cage from the inside out. After about a month I was able to get back on my commuter bicycle and mountain bike. It was revitalizing for me to start sweating again.
I engaged in alternative therapies for what I believed were stress related headaches and unwanted memories of Artemis. My memories of my dear Artemis were not necessarily negative, just distracting and unwanted. My rehabilitation physician set me up with cognitive therapy, psychology, and a neuropsychological examination. All the results were consistent with the concussion I received in June and the stress of the change in my family living situation to my living situation with my dogs.
I thought my headaches and unwanted memories were stress related and I could handle these through psychological efforts and the efforts were successful to an extent. I developed the life saving mantra, “I love you Taylor. I love you Jordan. Soften the face.” Soften the face is something my Anusara Yoga instructors remind students to do in our Asana practice. This mantra and the love of my two daughters are much more powerful than anything else including the stress of work, bills, or other trivial things humans worry about.
I also did an energetic chord cutting with one of my Licensed Massage Therapists. The chord cutting cuts old energetic connection between two people in order for the two people to move on with their lives with others or even to start a new relationship with each other. Sometimes old bridges need to be abandoned and new bridges built.
From the song “F.O.D” by Green Day off the album “Dookie”.
“Let's nuke the bridge we torched
2,000 times before
This time we'll blast it all to hell”
I met with a psychologist and he suggested writing letters that would be never mailed and this was a useful technique as well.
Massages are wonderful medicine and after I save up some coinage and my skull and knee heals, I will get some more massages from my wonderful massage therapists.
I was also able to get out after awhile with my Pacific Crest Trail Supervisor and do some trail reconnaissance in September. We shared a brandy in the shadow of Mt. Washington in the Mt. Washington Wilderness at our backpacking, camp site. This was the first alcohol I enjoyed since my bicycle wreck in June. John Paul is a very cool dude. We are kindred souls and only separated by a common language, English.
I volunteered and helped guide a couple of very cool rides at Mountain Bike Oregon. I was a little heavy on my rear brake which caused some skidding now and then. I attributed my heavy handedness to not having enough rear tire. Now, I attribute my deplorable technique to my brain tumor which subsequent neuropsychological examinations proved a deficit in right hand, neuromuscular coordination.
I was able to get more firewood permits in October and I braved some snow and gathered about another chord and a half of firewood in late October. I also made one more trip out to the Pacific Crest Trail and screwed and hammered about 8 trail assurance signs and did a little trail maintenance. I used my departed, Uncle Dale’s hammer to place many signs. I hammered with the intent that Uncle Dale was doing well with his hammer and people were enjoying his efforts. It was fun and Uncle Dale and I did this trail work together with no other assistance.
I was going to a movie at the Bijou Theatre, “Iraq in Fragments”, and passed a store that had a sign in the window, “Get your metaphysical supplies here.” It just so happened that I was low on metaphysical supplies at home and curious to what metaphysical supplies were. I met a fantastic, beautiful, astrologist, Reiki master, witch at the door and we hit had a good conversation and she interested me in Reiki. Reiki seemed like a natural for me as I had been studying and working with the Chakra system in yoga.
I remember one evening after a Wednesday Night, Reiki drop in session I had decided on wondering around near the hospital and University of Oregon campus. My intent was to get a drink and meet up with an old friend or find a new friend. I past an old woman with a cane that was struggling. I bid her a good evening and she asked me if I knew where the nearest bus stop was. I decided to walk her to the bus stop a couple of blocks a way to ensure she arrived to the bus stop safely as I could clearly see she was struggling. I hung out with her for several minutes. The bus stop I had walked her to had changed since the days I used to take the bus to and from work. This bus stop was no longer active after 6 PM now that the new, improved, Bus Rapid Transit to Springfield was in operation. I asked the old woman where she was going. I told her that was on my way home and it sort of was. I told her that if she waited at the bus stop for 5 minutes, a bus disguised as a black, VW, Jetta GLX would be by to give her a ride home. Do people commit random, selfless acts of beauty? Yes we do. I was hoping to meet a new love interest that evening but instead, I received the warmth and love of helping another human in my community. It feels good to help people who can use our assistance.
November 1 I had knee surgery. Dr. Goodknife’s efforts were flawless. My folks came up to California to assist me with the surgery. They were great help. I had intense headaches the day after surgery. The nurses and physicians attributed the headaches to cerebral spinal fluid (CSF) loss from the spinal anesthesia I received during surgery. In fact, that is exactly why I was having intense headaches. My belief is that my CSF loss was minimal and I will hypothesize on this more a little later.
We increased my hydrocodone (narcotic) intake for a few days and the headaches became more manageable after a few days. My parents commented on my behavior changes but I dismissed their observations as them being control freaks. My lifesaving mantra seemed to help me manage most of my headaches I believed were due to stress and low CSF.
I did a Reiki and Yoga workshop with one of my witchcraft friends and received my Reiki II attunement. I honored my edge as I had not started any physical therapy for my knee and I was enjoying intermittent headaches with the accompanying, life saving, "I love Taylor. I love Jordan, Soften the Face" mantra. If I could even see my edge on the horizon, I would back away to a place of safety. One of the instructors helped me avoid embarrassment. I also got to practice self love as I grappled with an embarrassing moment. Self love is good.
On November 13 I had my follow up with Dr. Goodknife. He liked my knee surgery results and instructed me to fully weight bear on my knee but use my crutches. He informed me the crutches were for my head, not for my knee, and to follow up with the anesthesiologist group because Dr. Goodknife was concerned that I may still be having CSF difficulties. In fact, I was having CSF difficulties.
I followed up with my wonderful anesthesiologist, Dr. Morpheus Hypnos. Morpheus did an epidural blood patch on my spine on November 18. The theory behind a blood patch is the blood from my arm, injected into the epidural space, near the site of the original spinal anesthesia, will patch the hole that was allowing CSF to leak. When Morpheus started injecting the blood patch into my epidural space I immediately had a seizure. Dr. Morpheus was “Johnny on the Spot” and immediately stopped the injection.
After I was wheeled out of the room, Morpheus directed me to have some follow up exams and imaging completed. Dr. Hypnos believed I was experiencing something more than symptoms of low Cerebral Spinal Fluid.
Saturday November 19, I seized in the parking lot as I was retrieving my wallet to buy Artemis breakfast. My Licensed Massage Therapist Witch caught my vomit twice during my massage later that day.
Sunday November 20 is a lost day to me at my home in McKenzie Bridge. I did manage to feed Mojo and Salena.
Monday November 21 Artemis drove up to McKenzie Bridge. She took me to Sacred Heart Medical Center and saved my life.
Wednesday November 23, Dr. Frankenstein removed an extra, extra large, hen egg, sized tumor from my skull. My tumor I have named “King George”, was located at the right temporal lobe and brain stem. My hypothesis is that I was low in CSF just as my physicians all diagnosed. Magnetic Resonance Imaging shows the tumor had deflected the right temporal lobe partially into the left half of my skull. The ventricles that store Cerebral Spinal Fluid (CSF) were slammed shut by the tumor and deflection of my brain. My hypothesis is any loss of CSF caused seizures, headaches, and/or vomiting because I had no reservoir to store CSF. Ow!
The week of Thanksgiving was transformative and in fact a near life experience for me. Sunday through Wednesday are lost days for me. I attribute my amnesia to seizures, headaches, vomiting, and morphine. “Sometimes forgetting is way, way better than remembering.”, Jack Twain. Thursday through Sunday were soul searching days.
The next week was a week of awakening for me.
I have never, ever, felt more powerful, loving, or loved than I do now. I see goodness everywhere in everything and everyone. I am in a good place.
I am and we are the cure for cancer.
Peace and Love. Happy New Year!
Jack Burton
Those who dwell on the past are condemned to repeat past mistakes. Those who live for the future are condemned to miss the beautiful, precious moments of daily life. Life is here and now. Live life every moment eternally.
The year started out with Artemis and me in relationship counseling. We were determined to save our beautiful, long term, couple relationship. By the end of January Artemis had dropped the hammer on our relationship and I surrendered to Artemis’ wishes without drama. Artemis was my best friend. We golfed, fly fished, road biked, mountain biked, camped, river camped, did home improvement projects, other stuff, and did kid things together. We also did some Jack soul killing things like shopping for crap at Goodwill and Ross.
We also accomplished things at work that bucked and overthrew the power. We proved that adventurous spirits can overwhelm powerful, nepotistic, mediocre, cautious, conservative minds. We also improved patient care, improved profits for the company, improved reporting, and reduced the work load of our coworkers so they could do more valuable work, as well as decreasing clinical and billing errors. I could not have accomplished what I did without Artemis’ spirit and she could not have accomplished what she did without my help. This paragraph was a reminiscing of 2005-2006 work we did together but I am very proud of our efforts, and our results including the enlistment of previously resistant, key players.
Artemis had once told me that her daughters Taylor and Jordan were the best part of Artemis. At the time, I thought that statement could not possibly be true as Artemis was way cool to me. After meeting Taylor and Jordan and helping to raise them for four years, I believe Taylor and Jordan are the best part of me. I still get to be part of Taylor and Jordan’s lives. I am a very lucky being.
I then moved to a mountain top home with only my two, trustee German Shepherd Dogs, Mojo and Salena, for companionship. I was feeling a little isolated on an acre, 44 miles away from the nearest, lighted traffic, signal, in a “town” without a post office. I did what any 44 year old, ex military, educated, divorced man, in my position would do. I went postal! I mean, I started internet dating. I no longer virtually date although I do have one friend that made the excursion into cyber relationships worth the effort. I now prefer to meet or not meet people in person through common, tactile experiences. The sound of a compassionate voice, looking deeply into another’s eyes, the touch of a hand on a forearm or thigh, a heart to heart or liver to liver hug, are all very precious and valuable to me. I have many relationships I enjoy nurturing now. The virtual relationships can hang out in pay for internet use coffee shops.
I owned the McKenzie Bridge house and Artemis owned the Springfield, Oregon home. It was a natural decision for me to move up to the oasis on the river. We originally bought the McKenzie Bridge home because it was on the McKenzie River, near the Three Sisters Wilderness, 4 minutes away from great golf, and is just a gorgeous, well built, modern home. The house was also just a thought away for us and we all had many clothes and a washer and dryer at the McKenzie Bridge house. We did not even need to pack to get away from the noise, smell, and bustle of town and into the peace of the wilderness.
I attended a Willamette National Forest Volunteer Training. I recertified my chain saw and cross cut saw credentials. I also became a Pacific Crest Trail Steward. Volunteering is fun and good for America. Do people do things for another people out of niceness and love, for the betterment of all, without any though of our own self interest? Yes, we do.
I then made two critical decisions. One was to enter the Cascade Cream Puff 100 mile mountain bike race. This excellent race is billed as America’s Toughest 100 Mile Mountain Bike Race. It is an excellent race, with great trails, great supportive people, in a beautiful forest.
The other decision I made was to attend my first, three day yoga workshop with Darren Rhodes. I also lined up three internet dates. I still have one friend from this outing. Sometimes a headache is just a headache. I remember when Catharina said she had a headache at the end of the first part of our date. I had to smell my arm pits, check for nose hairs, food stuck in my teeth and all the usual suspects. Catharina are still friends so, “Sometimes a headache is just a headache.” Sigmund Freud.
I also was mentally, physically, and spiritually transformed by Darren Rhodes’ workshop. Darren is an amazing person and wonderful yogi. I saw a cobra personified by Darren in cobra posture. After about 8 months, I think I understand how Darren can personify a cobra. Thank you Darren, Tom, Karen, and Sam for your teachings.
I settled into life in the mountains, yoga, and bicycle training. On June 10, 2007 I had a bicycle wreck on scenic highway 242. The EMT’s reported that the patient was, “combative and refused care”. They also reported that I was experiencing seizures and that prompted them to have me air lifted by helicopter out of the Three Sisters Wilderness to the good people at Saint Charles Medical Center in Bend, Oregon. I have complete amnesia of the wreck from about 30 minutes to an hour before the wreck to waking up in ICU. I vaguely remember a doctor or nurse telling me I had a bicycle wreck and I had suffered a concussion, a stable compression fracture of thoracic vertebrae 10, a bruised lung, and a lacerated liver. I remember feeling that there must be some kind of mistake. “It Aint Me! I am not some busted up son.” I thought to myself. I also had a black eye, crunched up right rib cage, a bruise on the back of my skull, and road rash on my right shoulder, scapula, and knee.
If you thought I was in bad shape, you should have seen my bike. My bicycle suffered a bent handlebar, bent fork, bent frame, and my wheels were a little tweaked but repairable. My bike suffered nearly $1,000 worth of damage but Paul’s Bicycle Way of Life and Life Cycle Bicycle Shop put my trustee stead back together again, better, lighter, faster, and stronger than before.
Artemis at this time suggested that perhaps a seizure may have caused the wreck. I did not entertain this idea very seriously at the time. I acknowledged that a seizure leading to my wreck was possible but not probable. I had a CT scan at Saint Charles Medical Center and the CT did not show any bleeding or tumor type of image in my skull. The CT was not looking for tumor however. My physicians at the time did think that a seizure causing my wreck was unlikely. I agree and I believe my physicians in Bend and in Eugene did everything medically, morally, ethically, and legally correct. “Sometimes good hits have bad results.”, Dr. Bob Rotella in “Golf is Not a Game of Perfect”.
I withdrew my race entry from the Cascade Cream Puff 100 and was fortunate to sell it to a soul that finished the race. I contend that I could have found a way to finish the race in less than the 15 hour and 15 minute cut off time. What did I have to prove? Everyone, including myself, knows how tough I am, how stubborn I am, and how stupid I am. I had nothing to prove.
I also withdrew from my father’s annual Member Guest Golf Tournament at Lake Wildwood. I did not think it prudent at the time to swing a golf club with a broken back. Golf is difficult enough without the thought of a broken back clouding up the mind.
I met my buddy Dave McKnight in Carmel, California. We had not seen each other for at least15 years and had only kept intermittent contact with each other. I had a wonderful time. Dave is a very good dude. We attended the MotoGP races at Laguna Seca with some of Dave’s and now my Texan buddies. It was a great time. We went down to Big Sir to see some of the Ancient Redwoods. The Texans joked about the Oregonian Tree Hugger in their midst. I responded with, “Have you ever hugged a tree that was making oxygen for Jesus Christ and converting carbon dioxide from Julius Caesar and Cleopatra into oxygen for the rest of the world? It’s pretty cool.” They have photos of me giving one of the ancients a big old heart to trunk hug. I believe they thought it was pretty cool too as well but they did not engage in Jack’s ancient tree love fest.
I was then put on disability through work. My boss, Solomon Hawking, and company disability representative, Weniki Pedone, gave me great comfort and confidence. They are both tops in my heart and mind. Disability is a trip. I used yoga breathing to expand my crunched up rib cage from the inside out. After about a month I was able to get back on my commuter bicycle and mountain bike. It was revitalizing for me to start sweating again.
I engaged in alternative therapies for what I believed were stress related headaches and unwanted memories of Artemis. My memories of my dear Artemis were not necessarily negative, just distracting and unwanted. My rehabilitation physician set me up with cognitive therapy, psychology, and a neuropsychological examination. All the results were consistent with the concussion I received in June and the stress of the change in my family living situation to my living situation with my dogs.
I thought my headaches and unwanted memories were stress related and I could handle these through psychological efforts and the efforts were successful to an extent. I developed the life saving mantra, “I love you Taylor. I love you Jordan. Soften the face.” Soften the face is something my Anusara Yoga instructors remind students to do in our Asana practice. This mantra and the love of my two daughters are much more powerful than anything else including the stress of work, bills, or other trivial things humans worry about.
I also did an energetic chord cutting with one of my Licensed Massage Therapists. The chord cutting cuts old energetic connection between two people in order for the two people to move on with their lives with others or even to start a new relationship with each other. Sometimes old bridges need to be abandoned and new bridges built.
From the song “F.O.D” by Green Day off the album “Dookie”.
“Let's nuke the bridge we torched
2,000 times before
This time we'll blast it all to hell”
I met with a psychologist and he suggested writing letters that would be never mailed and this was a useful technique as well.
Massages are wonderful medicine and after I save up some coinage and my skull and knee heals, I will get some more massages from my wonderful massage therapists.
I was also able to get out after awhile with my Pacific Crest Trail Supervisor and do some trail reconnaissance in September. We shared a brandy in the shadow of Mt. Washington in the Mt. Washington Wilderness at our backpacking, camp site. This was the first alcohol I enjoyed since my bicycle wreck in June. John Paul is a very cool dude. We are kindred souls and only separated by a common language, English.
I volunteered and helped guide a couple of very cool rides at Mountain Bike Oregon. I was a little heavy on my rear brake which caused some skidding now and then. I attributed my heavy handedness to not having enough rear tire. Now, I attribute my deplorable technique to my brain tumor which subsequent neuropsychological examinations proved a deficit in right hand, neuromuscular coordination.
I was able to get more firewood permits in October and I braved some snow and gathered about another chord and a half of firewood in late October. I also made one more trip out to the Pacific Crest Trail and screwed and hammered about 8 trail assurance signs and did a little trail maintenance. I used my departed, Uncle Dale’s hammer to place many signs. I hammered with the intent that Uncle Dale was doing well with his hammer and people were enjoying his efforts. It was fun and Uncle Dale and I did this trail work together with no other assistance.
I was going to a movie at the Bijou Theatre, “Iraq in Fragments”, and passed a store that had a sign in the window, “Get your metaphysical supplies here.” It just so happened that I was low on metaphysical supplies at home and curious to what metaphysical supplies were. I met a fantastic, beautiful, astrologist, Reiki master, witch at the door and we hit had a good conversation and she interested me in Reiki. Reiki seemed like a natural for me as I had been studying and working with the Chakra system in yoga.
I remember one evening after a Wednesday Night, Reiki drop in session I had decided on wondering around near the hospital and University of Oregon campus. My intent was to get a drink and meet up with an old friend or find a new friend. I past an old woman with a cane that was struggling. I bid her a good evening and she asked me if I knew where the nearest bus stop was. I decided to walk her to the bus stop a couple of blocks a way to ensure she arrived to the bus stop safely as I could clearly see she was struggling. I hung out with her for several minutes. The bus stop I had walked her to had changed since the days I used to take the bus to and from work. This bus stop was no longer active after 6 PM now that the new, improved, Bus Rapid Transit to Springfield was in operation. I asked the old woman where she was going. I told her that was on my way home and it sort of was. I told her that if she waited at the bus stop for 5 minutes, a bus disguised as a black, VW, Jetta GLX would be by to give her a ride home. Do people commit random, selfless acts of beauty? Yes we do. I was hoping to meet a new love interest that evening but instead, I received the warmth and love of helping another human in my community. It feels good to help people who can use our assistance.
November 1 I had knee surgery. Dr. Goodknife’s efforts were flawless. My folks came up to California to assist me with the surgery. They were great help. I had intense headaches the day after surgery. The nurses and physicians attributed the headaches to cerebral spinal fluid (CSF) loss from the spinal anesthesia I received during surgery. In fact, that is exactly why I was having intense headaches. My belief is that my CSF loss was minimal and I will hypothesize on this more a little later.
We increased my hydrocodone (narcotic) intake for a few days and the headaches became more manageable after a few days. My parents commented on my behavior changes but I dismissed their observations as them being control freaks. My lifesaving mantra seemed to help me manage most of my headaches I believed were due to stress and low CSF.
I did a Reiki and Yoga workshop with one of my witchcraft friends and received my Reiki II attunement. I honored my edge as I had not started any physical therapy for my knee and I was enjoying intermittent headaches with the accompanying, life saving, "I love Taylor. I love Jordan, Soften the Face" mantra. If I could even see my edge on the horizon, I would back away to a place of safety. One of the instructors helped me avoid embarrassment. I also got to practice self love as I grappled with an embarrassing moment. Self love is good.
On November 13 I had my follow up with Dr. Goodknife. He liked my knee surgery results and instructed me to fully weight bear on my knee but use my crutches. He informed me the crutches were for my head, not for my knee, and to follow up with the anesthesiologist group because Dr. Goodknife was concerned that I may still be having CSF difficulties. In fact, I was having CSF difficulties.
I followed up with my wonderful anesthesiologist, Dr. Morpheus Hypnos. Morpheus did an epidural blood patch on my spine on November 18. The theory behind a blood patch is the blood from my arm, injected into the epidural space, near the site of the original spinal anesthesia, will patch the hole that was allowing CSF to leak. When Morpheus started injecting the blood patch into my epidural space I immediately had a seizure. Dr. Morpheus was “Johnny on the Spot” and immediately stopped the injection.
After I was wheeled out of the room, Morpheus directed me to have some follow up exams and imaging completed. Dr. Hypnos believed I was experiencing something more than symptoms of low Cerebral Spinal Fluid.
Saturday November 19, I seized in the parking lot as I was retrieving my wallet to buy Artemis breakfast. My Licensed Massage Therapist Witch caught my vomit twice during my massage later that day.
Sunday November 20 is a lost day to me at my home in McKenzie Bridge. I did manage to feed Mojo and Salena.
Monday November 21 Artemis drove up to McKenzie Bridge. She took me to Sacred Heart Medical Center and saved my life.
Wednesday November 23, Dr. Frankenstein removed an extra, extra large, hen egg, sized tumor from my skull. My tumor I have named “King George”, was located at the right temporal lobe and brain stem. My hypothesis is that I was low in CSF just as my physicians all diagnosed. Magnetic Resonance Imaging shows the tumor had deflected the right temporal lobe partially into the left half of my skull. The ventricles that store Cerebral Spinal Fluid (CSF) were slammed shut by the tumor and deflection of my brain. My hypothesis is any loss of CSF caused seizures, headaches, and/or vomiting because I had no reservoir to store CSF. Ow!
The week of Thanksgiving was transformative and in fact a near life experience for me. Sunday through Wednesday are lost days for me. I attribute my amnesia to seizures, headaches, vomiting, and morphine. “Sometimes forgetting is way, way better than remembering.”, Jack Twain. Thursday through Sunday were soul searching days.
The next week was a week of awakening for me.
I have never, ever, felt more powerful, loving, or loved than I do now. I see goodness everywhere in everything and everyone. I am in a good place.
I am and we are the cure for cancer.
Peace and Love. Happy New Year!
Jack Burton
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