2007 Revisited

Break up, Moved to a Mountain Top, Cream Puff, Volunteering, Yoga Workshop, Bike Wreck, Disability, Laguna Seca, Alternative Psychological and Physical Medicine, Return to Work, The Lifesaving Mantra, Mountain Bike Oregon, Metaphysical Supplies & Reiki, Knee Surgery, Headaches, Nausea, Seizures, and Vomiting, Near Life Experience, Awakening, Love Eternal

Those who dwell on the past are condemned to repeat past mistakes. Those who live for the future are condemned to miss the beautiful, precious moments of daily life. Life is here and now. Live life every moment eternally.

The year started out with Artemis and me in relationship counseling. We were determined to save our beautiful, long term, couple relationship. By the end of January Artemis had dropped the hammer on our relationship and I surrendered to Artemis’ wishes without drama. Artemis was my best friend. We golfed, fly fished, road biked, mountain biked, camped, river camped, did home improvement projects, other stuff, and did kid things together. We also did some Jack soul killing things like shopping for crap at Goodwill and Ross.

We also accomplished things at work that bucked and overthrew the power. We proved that adventurous spirits can overwhelm powerful, nepotistic, mediocre, cautious, conservative minds. We also improved patient care, improved profits for the company, improved reporting, and reduced the work load of our coworkers so they could do more valuable work, as well as decreasing clinical and billing errors. I could not have accomplished what I did without Artemis’ spirit and she could not have accomplished what she did without my help. This paragraph was a reminiscing of 2005-2006 work we did together but I am very proud of our efforts, and our results including the enlistment of previously resistant, key players.

Artemis had once told me that her daughters Taylor and Jordan were the best part of Artemis. At the time, I thought that statement could not possibly be true as Artemis was way cool to me. After meeting Taylor and Jordan and helping to raise them for four years, I believe Taylor and Jordan are the best part of me. I still get to be part of Taylor and Jordan’s lives. I am a very lucky being.

I then moved to a mountain top home with only my two, trustee German Shepherd Dogs, Mojo and Salena, for companionship. I was feeling a little isolated on an acre, 44 miles away from the nearest, lighted traffic, signal, in a “town” without a post office. I did what any 44 year old, ex military, educated, divorced man, in my position would do. I went postal! I mean, I started internet dating. I no longer virtually date although I do have one friend that made the excursion into cyber relationships worth the effort. I now prefer to meet or not meet people in person through common, tactile experiences. The sound of a compassionate voice, looking deeply into another’s eyes, the touch of a hand on a forearm or thigh, a heart to heart or liver to liver hug, are all very precious and valuable to me. I have many relationships I enjoy nurturing now. The virtual relationships can hang out in pay for internet use coffee shops.

I owned the McKenzie Bridge house and Artemis owned the Springfield, Oregon home. It was a natural decision for me to move up to the oasis on the river. We originally bought the McKenzie Bridge home because it was on the McKenzie River, near the Three Sisters Wilderness, 4 minutes away from great golf, and is just a gorgeous, well built, modern home. The house was also just a thought away for us and we all had many clothes and a washer and dryer at the McKenzie Bridge house. We did not even need to pack to get away from the noise, smell, and bustle of town and into the peace of the wilderness.

I attended a Willamette National Forest Volunteer Training. I recertified my chain saw and cross cut saw credentials. I also became a Pacific Crest Trail Steward. Volunteering is fun and good for America. Do people do things for another people out of niceness and love, for the betterment of all, without any though of our own self interest? Yes, we do.

I then made two critical decisions. One was to enter the Cascade Cream Puff 100 mile mountain bike race. This excellent race is billed as America’s Toughest 100 Mile Mountain Bike Race. It is an excellent race, with great trails, great supportive people, in a beautiful forest.

The other decision I made was to attend my first, three day yoga workshop with Darren Rhodes. I also lined up three internet dates. I still have one friend from this outing. Sometimes a headache is just a headache. I remember when Catharina said she had a headache at the end of the first part of our date. I had to smell my arm pits, check for nose hairs, food stuck in my teeth and all the usual suspects. Catharina are still friends so, “Sometimes a headache is just a headache.” Sigmund Freud.

I also was mentally, physically, and spiritually transformed by Darren Rhodes’ workshop. Darren is an amazing person and wonderful yogi. I saw a cobra personified by Darren in cobra posture. After about 8 months, I think I understand how Darren can personify a cobra. Thank you Darren, Tom, Karen, and Sam for your teachings.

I settled into life in the mountains, yoga, and bicycle training. On June 10, 2007 I had a bicycle wreck on scenic highway 242. The EMT’s reported that the patient was, “combative and refused care”. They also reported that I was experiencing seizures and that prompted them to have me air lifted by helicopter out of the Three Sisters Wilderness to the good people at Saint Charles Medical Center in Bend, Oregon. I have complete amnesia of the wreck from about 30 minutes to an hour before the wreck to waking up in ICU. I vaguely remember a doctor or nurse telling me I had a bicycle wreck and I had suffered a concussion, a stable compression fracture of thoracic vertebrae 10, a bruised lung, and a lacerated liver. I remember feeling that there must be some kind of mistake. “It Aint Me! I am not some busted up son.” I thought to myself. I also had a black eye, crunched up right rib cage, a bruise on the back of my skull, and road rash on my right shoulder, scapula, and knee.

If you thought I was in bad shape, you should have seen my bike. My bicycle suffered a bent handlebar, bent fork, bent frame, and my wheels were a little tweaked but repairable. My bike suffered nearly $1,000 worth of damage but Paul’s Bicycle Way of Life and Life Cycle Bicycle Shop put my trustee stead back together again, better, lighter, faster, and stronger than before.

Artemis at this time suggested that perhaps a seizure may have caused the wreck. I did not entertain this idea very seriously at the time. I acknowledged that a seizure leading to my wreck was possible but not probable. I had a CT scan at Saint Charles Medical Center and the CT did not show any bleeding or tumor type of image in my skull. The CT was not looking for tumor however. My physicians at the time did think that a seizure causing my wreck was unlikely. I agree and I believe my physicians in Bend and in Eugene did everything medically, morally, ethically, and legally correct. “Sometimes good hits have bad results.”, Dr. Bob Rotella in “Golf is Not a Game of Perfect”.

I withdrew my race entry from the Cascade Cream Puff 100 and was fortunate to sell it to a soul that finished the race. I contend that I could have found a way to finish the race in less than the 15 hour and 15 minute cut off time. What did I have to prove? Everyone, including myself, knows how tough I am, how stubborn I am, and how stupid I am. I had nothing to prove.

I also withdrew from my father’s annual Member Guest Golf Tournament at Lake Wildwood. I did not think it prudent at the time to swing a golf club with a broken back. Golf is difficult enough without the thought of a broken back clouding up the mind.

I met my buddy Dave McKnight in Carmel, California. We had not seen each other for at least15 years and had only kept intermittent contact with each other. I had a wonderful time. Dave is a very good dude. We attended the MotoGP races at Laguna Seca with some of Dave’s and now my Texan buddies. It was a great time. We went down to Big Sir to see some of the Ancient Redwoods. The Texans joked about the Oregonian Tree Hugger in their midst. I responded with, “Have you ever hugged a tree that was making oxygen for Jesus Christ and converting carbon dioxide from Julius Caesar and Cleopatra into oxygen for the rest of the world? It’s pretty cool.” They have photos of me giving one of the ancients a big old heart to trunk hug. I believe they thought it was pretty cool too as well but they did not engage in Jack’s ancient tree love fest.

I was then put on disability through work. My boss, Solomon Hawking, and company disability representative, Weniki Pedone, gave me great comfort and confidence. They are both tops in my heart and mind. Disability is a trip. I used yoga breathing to expand my crunched up rib cage from the inside out. After about a month I was able to get back on my commuter bicycle and mountain bike. It was revitalizing for me to start sweating again.

I engaged in alternative therapies for what I believed were stress related headaches and unwanted memories of Artemis. My memories of my dear Artemis were not necessarily negative, just distracting and unwanted. My rehabilitation physician set me up with cognitive therapy, psychology, and a neuropsychological examination. All the results were consistent with the concussion I received in June and the stress of the change in my family living situation to my living situation with my dogs.

I thought my headaches and unwanted memories were stress related and I could handle these through psychological efforts and the efforts were successful to an extent. I developed the life saving mantra, “I love you Taylor. I love you Jordan. Soften the face.” Soften the face is something my Anusara Yoga instructors remind students to do in our Asana practice. This mantra and the love of my two daughters are much more powerful than anything else including the stress of work, bills, or other trivial things humans worry about.

I also did an energetic chord cutting with one of my Licensed Massage Therapists. The chord cutting cuts old energetic connection between two people in order for the two people to move on with their lives with others or even to start a new relationship with each other. Sometimes old bridges need to be abandoned and new bridges built.

From the song “F.O.D” by Green Day off the album “Dookie”.
“Let's nuke the bridge we torched
2,000 times before
This time we'll blast it all to hell”

I met with a psychologist and he suggested writing letters that would be never mailed and this was a useful technique as well.

Massages are wonderful medicine and after I save up some coinage and my skull and knee heals, I will get some more massages from my wonderful massage therapists.

I was also able to get out after awhile with my Pacific Crest Trail Supervisor and do some trail reconnaissance in September. We shared a brandy in the shadow of Mt. Washington in the Mt. Washington Wilderness at our backpacking, camp site. This was the first alcohol I enjoyed since my bicycle wreck in June. John Paul is a very cool dude. We are kindred souls and only separated by a common language, English.

I volunteered and helped guide a couple of very cool rides at Mountain Bike Oregon. I was a little heavy on my rear brake which caused some skidding now and then. I attributed my heavy handedness to not having enough rear tire. Now, I attribute my deplorable technique to my brain tumor which subsequent neuropsychological examinations proved a deficit in right hand, neuromuscular coordination.

I was able to get more firewood permits in October and I braved some snow and gathered about another chord and a half of firewood in late October. I also made one more trip out to the Pacific Crest Trail and screwed and hammered about 8 trail assurance signs and did a little trail maintenance. I used my departed, Uncle Dale’s hammer to place many signs. I hammered with the intent that Uncle Dale was doing well with his hammer and people were enjoying his efforts. It was fun and Uncle Dale and I did this trail work together with no other assistance.

I was going to a movie at the Bijou Theatre, “Iraq in Fragments”, and passed a store that had a sign in the window, “Get your metaphysical supplies here.” It just so happened that I was low on metaphysical supplies at home and curious to what metaphysical supplies were. I met a fantastic, beautiful, astrologist, Reiki master, witch at the door and we hit had a good conversation and she interested me in Reiki. Reiki seemed like a natural for me as I had been studying and working with the Chakra system in yoga.

I remember one evening after a Wednesday Night, Reiki drop in session I had decided on wondering around near the hospital and University of Oregon campus. My intent was to get a drink and meet up with an old friend or find a new friend. I past an old woman with a cane that was struggling. I bid her a good evening and she asked me if I knew where the nearest bus stop was. I decided to walk her to the bus stop a couple of blocks a way to ensure she arrived to the bus stop safely as I could clearly see she was struggling. I hung out with her for several minutes. The bus stop I had walked her to had changed since the days I used to take the bus to and from work. This bus stop was no longer active after 6 PM now that the new, improved, Bus Rapid Transit to Springfield was in operation. I asked the old woman where she was going. I told her that was on my way home and it sort of was. I told her that if she waited at the bus stop for 5 minutes, a bus disguised as a black, VW, Jetta GLX would be by to give her a ride home. Do people commit random, selfless acts of beauty? Yes we do. I was hoping to meet a new love interest that evening but instead, I received the warmth and love of helping another human in my community. It feels good to help people who can use our assistance.

November 1 I had knee surgery. Dr. Goodknife’s efforts were flawless. My folks came up to California to assist me with the surgery. They were great help. I had intense headaches the day after surgery. The nurses and physicians attributed the headaches to cerebral spinal fluid (CSF) loss from the spinal anesthesia I received during surgery. In fact, that is exactly why I was having intense headaches. My belief is that my CSF loss was minimal and I will hypothesize on this more a little later.

We increased my hydrocodone (narcotic) intake for a few days and the headaches became more manageable after a few days. My parents commented on my behavior changes but I dismissed their observations as them being control freaks. My lifesaving mantra seemed to help me manage most of my headaches I believed were due to stress and low CSF.

I did a Reiki and Yoga workshop with one of my witchcraft friends and received my Reiki II attunement. I honored my edge as I had not started any physical therapy for my knee and I was enjoying intermittent headaches with the accompanying, life saving, "I love Taylor. I love Jordan, Soften the Face" mantra. If I could even see my edge on the horizon, I would back away to a place of safety. One of the instructors helped me avoid embarrassment. I also got to practice self love as I grappled with an embarrassing moment. Self love is good.

On November 13 I had my follow up with Dr. Goodknife. He liked my knee surgery results and instructed me to fully weight bear on my knee but use my crutches. He informed me the crutches were for my head, not for my knee, and to follow up with the anesthesiologist group because Dr. Goodknife was concerned that I may still be having CSF difficulties. In fact, I was having CSF difficulties.

I followed up with my wonderful anesthesiologist, Dr. Morpheus Hypnos. Morpheus did an epidural blood patch on my spine on November 18. The theory behind a blood patch is the blood from my arm, injected into the epidural space, near the site of the original spinal anesthesia, will patch the hole that was allowing CSF to leak. When Morpheus started injecting the blood patch into my epidural space I immediately had a seizure. Dr. Morpheus was “Johnny on the Spot” and immediately stopped the injection.

After I was wheeled out of the room, Morpheus directed me to have some follow up exams and imaging completed. Dr. Hypnos believed I was experiencing something more than symptoms of low Cerebral Spinal Fluid.

Saturday November 19, I seized in the parking lot as I was retrieving my wallet to buy Artemis breakfast. My Licensed Massage Therapist Witch caught my vomit twice during my massage later that day.

Sunday November 20 is a lost day to me at my home in McKenzie Bridge. I did manage to feed Mojo and Salena.

Monday November 21 Artemis drove up to McKenzie Bridge. She took me to Sacred Heart Medical Center and saved my life.

Wednesday November 23, Dr. Frankenstein removed an extra, extra large, hen egg, sized tumor from my skull. My tumor I have named “King George”, was located at the right temporal lobe and brain stem. My hypothesis is that I was low in CSF just as my physicians all diagnosed. Magnetic Resonance Imaging shows the tumor had deflected the right temporal lobe partially into the left half of my skull. The ventricles that store Cerebral Spinal Fluid (CSF) were slammed shut by the tumor and deflection of my brain. My hypothesis is any loss of CSF caused seizures, headaches, and/or vomiting because I had no reservoir to store CSF. Ow!

The week of Thanksgiving was transformative and in fact a near life experience for me. Sunday through Wednesday are lost days for me. I attribute my amnesia to seizures, headaches, vomiting, and morphine. “Sometimes forgetting is way, way better than remembering.”, Jack Twain. Thursday through Sunday were soul searching days.

The next week was a week of awakening for me.

I have never, ever, felt more powerful, loving, or loved than I do now. I see goodness everywhere in everything and everyone. I am in a good place.

I am and we are the cure for cancer.

Peace and Love. Happy New Year!
Jack Burton